


When we'll fall

by NessaTinuviel



Series: When we'll fall [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: A little bit of comfort, Bottom Brock Rumlow, Brock is a bae, Depression, Eventual Smut, Frottage, Good Rumlow, Heavy Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shower Sex, Size Difference, Sleeping Together, Swearing, a lot of fucking swearing, bathing together, big dick, fucking maybe at the end, sad bucky, slowly falling in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9803558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessaTinuviel/pseuds/NessaTinuviel
Summary: There were many exercises, many missions, but no one was like this.Winter Soldier, standing in shadows, at the end of a dark room and Brock Rumlow alone, against him.‘Beat him or calm him down’- said Pearce after pushing soldier to this damn room.That's how this story starts.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse my not so perfect English and read this piece of art in peace.

Brock gently touched Winter’s hand hanging from the edge of the bed. It was the first time when men with a metal arm didn’t sleep in soldier’s position or curled like a beaten child. And it made Rumlow glad. Like a wild animal finally eating food from your hand.  
***  
There were many exercises, many missions, but no one was like this.  
Winter Soldier, standing in shadows, at the end of a dark room and Brock Rumlow alone, against him.  
‘Beat him or calm him down’- said Pearce after pushing soldier to this damn room.  
Rumlow met Winter Soldier a few times, but it was always on missions, on the same side of a barricade. He reckoned him as a ruthless, unbeatable assassin, who he wouldn’t like to have as his enemy. And now black-haired man was in deep shit, fuckin’ deep shit.  
‘Fuck. How all of that shit’s even happened?- Rumlow reached slowly for a sharp knife, which was always next to his belt. He didn’t want to attack first. It would be a total fool-ishness, but how it was even possible to calm this fierce assassin down? He moved slowly, very slowly in Winter Soldier’s direction. He could only approach him like a wild animal and speak calmly. That was the only idea of a brilliant tactician- Brock Rumlow.  
When Rumlow was probably in the middle of the room, Soldier finally made a small movement. He came out the shadows holding AK-9 in one hand with half of his face hidden under a black mask  
-They’ll have fuckin’ fun- Rumlow thought about all of people who were watching him right know.-Hey big man.- he spoken slowly with a still voice- We don’t want troubles, right?  
Winter Soldier didn’t respond, but he placed his amazing blue eyes on Rumlow’s face.  
Brock always found them a little bit sad. Somewhere behind his indifference was pain and despair, but it was always well hidden and Rumlow couldn’t tell what was the rea-son of all this suffering.  
-Just stay calm where you are.- black-haired man said- Please.  
On the sound of the last word Soldie’s eyes became confused. He moved his head a little and then in a flash he pointed the shotgun in Brock’s direction.  
-Hey, hey calm down.- that wasn’t Brock’s first time meeting death but now he couldn’t do much. TBH he couldn’t do anything, he could only speak.- I don’t want to hurt you, see?- it might be one of his stupidest decisions but men threw his knife in Winter’s di-rection. Men in mask gave the knife glance but didn’t put his weapon down.  
I don’t have any weapon.- Brock slowly put his hands up.- As you can see.- he made gradual movement which came at a price of at least 4 years of his life. Damn stress. Thanks gods Soldier didn’t shot, but Rumlow wasn’t happy anyway.  
-I won’t hurt you.- another few little steps.- I promise. And you don’t want to hurt me. You know me. We were fighting together. Remember?- another confused glance. Damn, what was with him for a god’s sake?- I will take your shotgun, if you let me of course.- two more meters.- And will throw it away like that knife before. It’ll be all right.  
Finally he was in front of long-haired men still with his hands up, but still alive. It was better than he expected. Their eyes met. Hazel, focused and blue, confused. Both of them nervous.  
Brock moved slowly his hand to the AK.  
-I’ll take this now and I’ll throw it away.- he was observing Soldier constantly.- I won’t hurt you. I promise.- he whispered, because these words were spoken only for Winter’s ears, not Pierce, or Rollins’s, or any other Hydra’s soldier.  
Assassin blinked when Brock’s fingers gently touched the gun.  
-Everything is all right.- Rumlow tried to make his voice trustworthy, steady and primarily calm.- We are together in this shit. Right?- now both of his hands were on a flask.- And we don’t wanna be here, so please give me your weapon and this’ll be over.  
-не- that were first words that Winter Soldier has ever spoken to him.- нет, не будет.  
Rumlow could speak many languages: English of course, French, German, Spanish. All of them were important when he was on mission. When it came to research before the mission crowd was in general useful, but only when you were speaking their language. Brock have taken advantage of his language knowledge many times and Hydra knew him as a quite polylingual man, but he never had to speak Russian and first of all he had never told anyone about that.  
-это будет.- Rumlow whispered very quietly with his mouth almost shutted that no one could read from the movement of his lips what he just said.  
Winter Soldier slowly released the shotgun. Brock have never stood as close to him as now. Now he could see everything in details: his mask, his brown hair falling on his shoulders, his metal arm with a red soviet star and his blue eyes, so confused, so lost, almost in tears. Brock would’ve never thought that someone can suffer so much in si-lence.  
Assassin slowly opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly the doors opened and Pierce entered the room clapping his hands pathetically. In one second Winter was again indifferent soldier made of steel.  
-Well done soldier.- Alexander Pierce smiled falsely to Brock.- You’re the only one who Winter Soldier didn’t beat the shit out of. Congratulations Rumlow.  
Black-haired man stood at ease with a stony-face.  
-Hey, Winter, you did well.- Pierce turned in assassin’s direction.- Do you want a treat?  
Brock noticed that Pierce treated Winter like some kind of animal and he didn’t like it.  
In assassin’s eyes appeared this specific confusion mixed with anxiety.  
-Do you want a treat?- men with glasses asked Winter Soldier again but he didn’t get any respond.-Good.- Alexander wasn’t upset, which really surprised Brock.- Do you know why he’s silent?- Pierce asked Brock.  
-No, sir.- Rumlow really, really didn’t like the way where all this shit was heading.  
-Because he don’t know what “want something’ means.-man in three pieced suit smiled.  
What the hell all of this shit meant?  
-Don’t worry soldier.- Pierce take off his glasses and wiped them.- I will show you why.  
They left the room and Pierce ordered Hydra’s stuff to prepare Winter Soldier. Rumlow had no idea what was going on right now and what was that deal which assassin had to be prepared. But when Brock saw that chair he regretted that he had even wanted to ask.  
Winter Soldier was sitting on a metal chair with something between his teeth and arms attached to armrests with huge metal things. Around him were many computers and of course a lot of Hydra’s scientists. And Pierce standing in front of Winter Soldier and of course smiling.  
-Okay, let’s get it started.- he said with his fucking fake smile, which Rumlow really hat-ed.  
Brock gave Winter Soldier quick glance and what he saw made him agitated. Assassin looked like a beaten dog with this emotionless gaze yet still calling anyone for help. And Brock could only stand and watch while metal rims were tightening on Winter’s head. Brock felt sick but he only swallowed taste of vomit and watched Soldier’s eyes opening with pain.  
Next was only a crushed scream. Then were following acts of humiliating assassin. And Brock wanted to stop it, he wanted that so badly that he was ready to slam Pierce and let Winter free. But he stood next to his boss like a good, obedient soldier. Commands, always listen to the commands. And that was what Rumlow was good at, but now he felt like a fucking asshole.  
-What is all of that for, sir?- he asked when they threw naked Winter to a bare, white room lined with tiles.  
-Ah, I totally forgot to tell you.- Pierce gave scientists some sort of a sign with his hand.- He’s going to be in your place in about… half hour.  
-Sorry for asking sir, but what?- Brock blinked when a hard stream of water almost knocked down man with metal arm.  
-That’s Hydra’s new experiment with that.- he pointed on Winter.- Dozen of years with a fractional contact with people. It’s more and more unstable after following missions, and putting it in ice doesn’t help. So we had chosen few of you, brilliant soldiers etc., but only you made it through without your brain on a wall. So here we are. You know much enough to make him obedient.  
Brock could see even from this distance red marks which stream of water left on pale Soldier’s skin.  
Everything was happening too quickly. This test, memory wiping and that order now. What the hell? He wasn’t fucking ready to take this mortal weapon to his small apart-ment. He wasn’t ready to treat him like that and call him ‘it’. Maybe he was just a weak pussy, but he couldn’t treat any human like that.  
-And if I lived with someone, sir?- Brock asked with hesitation.  
-Oh, you don’t live with anyone Rumlow.- this fucking smile again.- We know that sort of things.  
Two scientists in white smocks brought Winter Soldier back to two men.  
-Just fucking great.- thought Brock when he saw brown-haired man’s empty eyes.- Just great.  
***  
Being in one car with such a legend as Winter Soldier was still unbelievable. Maybe that’s why Brock was still only sitting with his hands on a steering wheel and just staring in the dark.  
-Do you remember me?- Rumlow asked finally.  
Silence.  
-Well I’ll take it as ‘no’.- man started his black Chevrolet. They were driving across the dark city with some old songs played in radio. Brock didn’t give a fuck about them. He had to rethink all of this. But first he had to buy a beer and drink it in silence or maybe with heavy sounds of some black metal band.  
He suddenly stopped on Walmart’s parking and turned off his car. Now he had to do something with Winter Soldier. Definitely he couldn’t take Soldier with him. Not with this metal arm.  
-Hey, Winter.- he spoken slowly.- I have to do something very quickly and you have to stay right there. Do you understand?  
A little nod was satisfying for black-haired man.  
-Fuck that shit.- he thought when he jumped of his car.- They could only kill me when he run away.  
***  
But he didn’t. He was waiting in his car without even a single movement.  
-Thanks gods.- Rumlow whispered putting a bag with purchases on the back seat.- Ok, now we’re heading home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me too long, but well, life is hard  
> And one more thing. English isn't my native language, so if you find a mistake just write it to me and pls not bitch around. love ya

-Snow, wake up man.- Rumlow whispered, still sitting on the floor.

He couldn’t see anything, because of the dark, but he knew that Winter’s just opened his blue eyes.

-We have a new mission.- Brock felt a little bit sick. He knew that this task could end everything that they’ ve managed to achieve since the beginning. 

**  
Brock’s after-work routine was simple. He closed his door, took off his black shirt and changed his trousers to comfortable, fitted sweatpants. Then he opened beer, checked what was going on social medias. Sometimes he went to some pub with Rollins, sometimes he was listening to black metal until he felt asleep.

But today his routine went to heel. 

After closing the door after Winter he had no fucking idea what to do now. Really, no clue.

Finally, after noticing Soldiers shivers, he moved to the bathroom and filled a huge bathtub with warm water. Rumlow wasn’t sure if that was the best thing to do, but what else he could? At least, it would be more pleasurable than cold shower in Hydra’s quarters. 

Brock sighed and gave Winter a look. Man was staring with squinted eyes at ceiling lamp.

-Hey, what’s going on big man?- Rumlow asked. Winter Soldier quickly placed his eyes on one of the bathroom’s corner like nothing ever happened. 

Brock placed his eyes on a lamp and realised that the light was similar to that from the room where Hydra’s stuff washed Winter.

-Jeez, wait here a minute.- black-haired man went after some candles or stuff like that. He knew that it’ was probably stupid, but maybe it wouldn’t make Winter recall that place anymore. 

Rumlow finally found three candles deep down in one of the drawers in the kitchen. He came back to the bathroom, lighted two candles and turned off the light.

-Can you take off your clothes?- Brock tried to be calm and friendly, but he quickly realised that Winter Soldier simply didn’t understand anything except orders.- Take them off.- said Rumlow with hesitation. He felt like trash treating Winter like that, but he didn’t have a choice.

When Winter took off his clothes Brock told him to get into the bath.

-Is the water warm enough?- he asked but he of course couldn’t expect any answer and the light of the candles was too faint to see Winter’s face expression.

His attempt to wash Soldier’s hair was also pointless. Brock didn’t want to turn on the shower to not make assassin more nervous.

-He will be your handler for a bit, asset. Try not to kill him, but remember I’m your master and no matter what, you’ll always be my property.

Brock knew that he shouldn’t have hear that, but it was already too late. And it was Pierce’s fault. Who the hell is talking stuff like that next to person, who shouldn’t hear that. And wtf?! Was that some kind of s&m relationship? He knew that if it was only that, Winter Soldier wouldn’t been called ‘asset’, but Brock always had some kind of fucked up sense of humour.

-Waite here.- Brock went for a big towel hidden in a dark wardrobe next to the bath.- Stand up.- Rumlow carefully wrapped Winter with soft towel. He tried not to touch him too much, to not to freak him out.

Brock turned on the tap once again, just to drown his words. He knew that probably there were wiretappings and maybe even cameras in every single room.

-I’ll bring you some clothes, then I’ll make you something to eat.- he said quietly, but loud enough to make Winter hear him.- And today you’ll sleep on a couch. I know that’s small, but today it must be enough for you. And I won’t talk a lot. These motherfuckers are listening and watching so I must shut up already. I’m talking too much right? Yeah, I know I am, but there wasn’t anyone in my place for so long that I’m getting a little bit too stressful 

Rumlow finally left bathroom and went for clothes for Winter. He chose black, still unused boxer shorts, black Rammstein T-shirt and also black sweatpants. He knew that Winter was a little bit taller than him, but not as tall to look like an idiot in shortish pants.

-You need help?- asked Rumlow when he gave Soldier clothes.

Winter Soldier managed dressing up himself without any troubles and they moved to kitchen.

-Sit where you want.- Rumlow said pointing at small table with three chairs. The kitchen was small and very bright. Cupboards, table and chairs were made of a bright wood. A sink was white and straight. No curves, no soft materials. Everything were simple and edgy. But Winter Soldier seemed to like it. Of course he didn’t say anything, but Brock slowly started to learn his emotions form his face.

Winter didn’t even moved when he heard Brock.

-Shit, I forgot.- sighed Rumlow and suggested Winter one of the chairs.- And now what do you want to eat?

***

-Don’t give him a lot of food.- said one of Hydra’s scientist, who was thin and tall af. He looked exactly like nobody gives him a lot of food.- He didn’t really eat much in decades. So be careful at the beginning.

-Holy fuck!- Brock really wanted to say that, but he only asked the scientist about one issue that was bothering him.- And what about, you know, pissing etc? Did you erased even this?

The scientist, who Rumlow named Goebbels, stared at him for a little bit.

-It’s like factory data reset.- he explained without even a single emotion in his fishy eyes.- We’re deleting everything that might make asset slower or unstable, but he’s still usuable.

Something deep inside Rumlow’s mind wanted to fucking break this man’s neck or batter, place him on this fucking hair and erease everything, fucking everything. But of course, he only turned back and didn’t even say anything. Fucking cunt.

***

Brock opened himself a beer and for Winter he prepared some tea, a small fried egg and a slice of bread.

-I hope you like it.- said Brock. No answer.- You’re not going to say anything, right big man? Well, just eat that. 

Brock took a sip of the beer and started to stare at Winter Soldier. He was observing his every single movement. Man with the metal arm slowly touched the slice of bread like he didn’t know what to do with it, but Rumlow decided not to interfere. And that was a good decision. Winter took a tiny bite and chewed it gradually, then he awkwardly took a fork and sliced a piece of the fried egg.

-You like it?- asked Rumlow not excepting any answer.

Winter Soldier was eating slowly, almost elegant, but Brock could say that he was hungry.

When Soldier was done with his meal he looked at Rumlow with a questioning gaze.

-What’s wrong big man?- Brock took the last sip of the beer tilting his head back.- You want something to drink? That’s your tea.- black-haired man moved the cup of tea in Winter’s direction.- You don’t have to ask me if you want something to drink.

Soldier seemed like he didn’t really understand, but after a while of hesitation he carefully took the cup and moved it to his mouth. We was staring at Brock all this time like he wanted to be sure that he’s filled his orders right.

Brock was at the same time annoyed and excited. He was done with ordering Winter to do even a simple task, although he knew that this man wasn’t able to understand anything instead of orders.. But on the other hand… damn, that was fucking amazing. One of the deadliest assassins in the world was sitting right next to him and was drinking tea in black sweatpants.

When Winter was done with his tea Brock thought that it’s the best time to go to bed. He was really exhausted with both of his works, with dealing with Hydra, Pierce and Captain Fuckin’ America at the same time. And now he had Winter Soldier in his apartment and he was supposed to take care of him. Brock wasn’t really happy. To be honest not at all.

-All right big man.- why he was still calling him like that? Soldier wasn’t that huge as he seemed to be in this damn room.- It’s time to go to bed. I’ll prepare a couch for you.

Brock entered almost bare living room. He didn’t have much stuff, because he never really knew how long he would be able to stay in one place. So there were only simple, black couch with black, rectangular coffee table made of glass, two black armchairs, two cabinets, black of course and a big TV hanging form a wall. There was no carpet, because of underfloor heating which was very convenient for Rumlow.

-That’ll be okay?- he asked and gazed at Winter. He was only standing quietly probably still waiting for orders.- Hey, cheer up Soldier. Everything is fine.- said Rumlow not believing in his own words.- I’m going to fetch beddings for you.

Brock had to give Winter his own duvet, because sadly he owned only one. But he had at least three blankets so it was all right. With pillow wasn’t any problems. When he appeared in living room Winter was still standing at the same place, but he was observing everything around him, but his sight stopped at one point when he saw Rumlow. Black- haired man only sighed and prepared Soldier place to sleep.

-If you needed something just wake me up.- said Brock. These words were meaningless to Soldier, but maybe they’ll make him feel a little bit better.- You know where toilet is, right?- small nod.- Great. Now go to sleep.- Winter slowly approached the couch and sat on it.- I’ll turn off the light right now. If you want, turn it on.- it won’t probably happened, but…damn.

-Ok, that’s all, so goodnight.- no answer.

Rumlow went to his bedroom while taking off his shirt. He didn’t give a shit about the rest. He was so damn tired that he wanted only sleep.

***

He was furious while standing in front of Navy Seal Prep School. There was no fucking rain which could make this fucked up situation more dramatic. There was only burning sun which Brock was ready to stand without even a single word only to become one of those famous Seal’s soldiers. But now, with his small bag in right hand, he was heading in some random direction. If they only hadn’t found this damn record from when he was 17. That was only a small fight. Maybe not that small, there were blood and damn cops of course, but Rumlow thought that 1000 $ will make his records free. He was damn wrong. 

-Holly fuck!- he cursed when he knew that no one from SEAL could see or hear him.- This fuckin’ motherfuckers!!

He fucking dreamed of this. He was preparing damn hard: mentally and physically. He made this shitty list what he have done for past 10 years: a history where he lived, work, names of people who can verify that. He was only 19 so that list wasn’t damn long. But he also prepared very hard for ASVAB test. Thousands of nights with book in one hand and coffee in the other. But he passed it with flying colours. He got 97% and he was the best. That was his first time in his whole, shitty life when he was the best. And then he started training, but this 1000$ wasn’t fucking enough for that dumb cop.

-You’re coming from there?- someone asked.

Brock raised his head and his eyes met with cold, green eyes of a tall man dressed all in black.

-Yes.

-I understand, and I guess young man that you want to retaliate on this motherfuckers.

-Hell yes.- Brock didn’t give a fuck who that guy was, he was too furious to even think about that.

-So come with me.- he said pointing at black BMW.- If you’re not afraid of a training worst and harder than that.- he pointed at SEAL’s quarters direction. 

And Brock came.

***

When he finally opened his eyes he couldn’t say what was the time or even a day. He was just staring at a white celling and trying to memorise what was actually going on.  
Oh right, in his apartment was one of the most dangerous assassins in the whole world and by some sort of a fucking irony Brock had to take care of this deadly assassin, if he only hadn't already be gone.

Brock slowly got out of his bed and stretched while yawning. Then he quickly changed his black combat trouser to a comfortable, grey sweatpants and moved to the kitchen wondering if he’ll find Winter Soldier somewhere in the apartment. If not, he could easily say goodbye to his life.

When Rumlow entered the kitchen he almost jumped back at the sight of Winter Soldier sitting in shadows, with his metal arm lied on a table. When he saw Brock his eyes wandered to black-haired man face. This blue eyes were sharp and lost at the same time. That made Brock feel like shit. Then he saw a bunch of bugs, cameras and shit like that lying on the table next to Winter’s metal hand.

-Hi, big man.- said Brock.- Are those all?- he pointed his chin at stuff lying at the table.

Winter Soldier suddenly stood up and without a single word he andhe moved to Rumlow’s bedroom. 

-What the hell was going on in his mind?- Brock asked himself and followed assassin. When brown-haired man reached Hydra’s agent bed he tilted above it and peeled off a tiny bug.

-There’s no one left, right?- Brock asked again.

The sound of crushing plastic with metal fingers was a meaningful answer.

Rumlow sighed and stretched again, first time without this awful feeling of being watched. Oh god, that was so refreshing. But this lack of contact between him and Soldier was getting irritating.

-I guess you’re hungry, big man.- said Brock staring at Winter.

That was the first time in Rumlow’s life when he had to prepare a breakfast. He has never had time for this in the mornings. If he ate something that was mostly some leftovers. Although he had no experience or skills in cooking he tried to make Winter’s breakfast at least edible and looking good. The result of man’s efforts was at least enough salty scrambled eggs with not the crispest, but still good, bread. 

That was the first time in Rumlow’s life when he ate proper breakfast with somebody, even if that person was Winter Soldier. And although that was a totally new experience Brock kind of like it. Even silence was different with this guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think, my friends? Totally shitty?


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tu-hkJf6JY  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M42EoG1QPnU  
> just a suggestion

Brock always recon himself as a quite tidy person, but he quickly realise that his apart-ment wasn’t cleaned up at all. It was a fucking mess. Beer glasses, some clothes, dirty dishes and tons of dust. More like, jeez, vastness of dust. Rumlow definitely wasn’t a perfectionist, but he liked to have everything clean and tidy. 

-Hey.- Brock caught Winter’s attention.- Sit there, if you want.- he decided to treat and talk to him totally different from Hydra’s stuff and he believed that it will slowly help Winter to understand that he’s a normal human in this place. 

Brown-haired man slowly sat on the couch and Brock got down to cleaning. That took him more time and attention than he planned. He was cleaning and analysing this fucked up situation. He knew that all of this was a distinction and this meant maybe a promotion and for sure more money. But on the other hand Rumlow liked his single life and didn’t fucking want to change it. He started to furiously wiping dust from the cupboard. He wasn’t a fucking foster-father.

-Shit. Dammit. Fuck.-he hissed quietly and turned back. His eyes randomly landed at Winter Soldier. Brock didn’t even realised when he fell asleep in obviously uncomforta-ble, sitting position. 

Rumlow calmed himself down and sat on the table. He was observing the face of sleeping Winter and his anger was slowly fading away. Maybe that’ll be good for both, Brock will be more than the best tactician and double agent, but someone who was in charge of handling Asset. And for Asset, well, at least here will be no wiping.

Brock was observing Winter Soldier and about five minutes later heconcluded that he’s handsome. Although his pale face was a little bit too skinny and his beard wasn’t shaved for few days Asset looked dangerously beautiful, so beautiful that Brock wanted to take a photo of his sleeping face. But when the man moved Winter Soldier quickly opened his navy eyes and shuddered. He looked confused, but he was ready to attack his new handler.

-Easy big man.- Brock spoke gently.- Do not bother and go to sleep. I’ll bring you a blan-ket.

When Rumlow came back with a floppy, dark brown blanket Winter was still woozy. Black-haired man laid it on Asset knees. His metal hand slowly touched soft material, but that was the only thing that Soldier had done. 

-I’ll help you so do not freak out, kay?- Brock approached Winter and grabbed the blanket. Asset glowered, but when Rumlow gently covered him up his eyes became tranquil.- I’ll leave you for a while, so please stay here. I’ll be back in an hour. See ya.

There was no answer so Brock took his wallet and keys and left. He had to buy some stuff. Mostly food, but also some clothes for Asset, more conditioners, shampoos, soaps, a lot of candles well, he didn’t make a list, he liked to be spontaneous.

***

His fucking spontaneity ended up with three full bags of stuff and 2 bags of food. Of course he was too lazy to go twice with all of this so he was struggling with them all the way up. But when he finally opened the doors and put down all of his shoppings he was so exhausted that he just sat down, and leaned back on the doors, and sighed.  
He bought so much that a female cashier gave him suspicious stare, but that changed when Brock paid with credit card. She even smiled to him nicely. Yeah, he had never paid that much in the fucking Walmart. But he had money, a lot of money. He killed enough people for Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. that he could easily retire, but no one can retire in Hydra. You leave when you die. But fuck it, Rumlow liked killing people. And besides that this was the only thing that he could do. 

Rumlow moved quietly to the living room to check what was going on with Winter. He was quite surprised when he saw him still sleeping in the same position as later. At the first moment he decided to touch Soldier to wake him up but he restrained himself. No touching at this point. First Brock had to teach assassin that he’ll not hurt him. That was his priority. Then he’ll see, he didn’t like making far-reaching plans. He didn’t even know if he would be able to realise even this one.

-Let him sleep you fuckin’ dumbass.- Brock told himself off and went to the kitchen to make some food.

When he opened the first bag he realised how hungry was he. He didn’t eat practically nothing yesterday and not much today. Few minutes later Brock have already eaten 2 candy bars, a chocolate and a cupcake. And fuck the calories, he’ll burn them in the evening during exercises, or nah. He simply didn’t care.

He took everything out of bags and put into cupboards and drawers. He only left tomato sauce, carrots, parsleys, a garlic and spaghetti noodles. Yeah, he was preparing fuckin’ spaghetti, because it was not a problematic dish and it was a huge possibility that he will not fuck it up. 

It took him about half hour to make dinner and when he finally tasted it he was quite content with it. Rumlow placed spaghetti on two plates and moved to the living room.  
-Hey, Winter, wake up man.- he said quietly. 

Soldier slowly opened his navy eyes and gave Brock a suspicious look.

-Eat that man.- Brock gave Asset spaghetti and a fork.- Like this.- he showed Winter how to deal with noodles. Then he gave him space and sat at the right armchair. He tried not to stare at Winter but he simply couldn’t. He was observing assassin slowly eating spaghetti. He was dealing with them slowly but unexpectedly good. 

Finally Brock took care of his hunger and also turned on TV, with doubts, to be honest. He didn’t really fuckin’ know how Winter will react. Rumlow wasn’t even sure if Soldier have ever seen something like this, but he risked.

He turned on BBC Earth. There was something about wild cats.

-You liked it?- Brock peeked at Winter. Man was sitting without even a single move but when he saw that Rumlow is watching he quickly got back to indifferent eating.- Man, it’s all right.- Brock sighed and finished his spaghetti. He started staring at TV thought-lessly, but when he saw black and then snow panther he thought that Winter Soldier is really similar to them. They were both mysterious and dangerous. He peeked on Winter again. He was sitting emotionless with an empty plate in his hand. This view wasn’t pleasant for Rumlow but he couldn’t do anything. 

***  
For two next days Brock gave Winter as much space as possible. Rumlow was making him food, watching TV with him and talking to him gently, mostly about anything, like weather, stuff which was shown in TV, nothing complicated. Soldier have never an-swered, but Brock saw that he was listening him carefully. 

-I think it’s time to wash your hair.- said Rumlow and washed the dishes.- Come, big man.- Brock went to bathroom and lighted three candles.- Could you take them off?- black-haired man pointed at Asset’s clothes. 

Rumlow turned light off and prepared a huge towel, a shampoo, a conditioner and a hypoallergenic soap. Then he let the bathtub fill with water. He recalled that first day when Winter was kind of scared of light, when Brock was scared of that situation. To be honest he was still scared, but now there was some stabilisation, he woke up, Asset was sitting in the kitchen, they were eating together and then they spent time together, but still separately. Rumlow wanted to hear Winter’s voice, he wanted to know what he wants, what he feels, but he decided that he won’t rush Asset. Black-haired man knew that space was maybe the thing that Soldier needed the most.

-Ok, get in.- Rumlow checked water’s temperature.- And lie down for a moment.- he slowly leaned over Winter and soaked his long hair. Rumlow regretted the lack of the light now. He could barely see Soldier’s face, his expression was hidden in the dark. But now he could only keep going.- Get up, please.

When Soldier moved up Brock quickly brushed his hair away and then he started washing Winter’s hair gently. When Rumlow was done he ordered assassin to laid down again. 

-Get up now.- black-haired man picked a huge towel and wrapped it around Winter. With a smaller one he dried his hair a little bit. When Rumlow was drying Asset, his hand lightly touched his bare skin. It was only a moment but he was able to feel a wide scar on his shoulder. Then he realised that’s probably not the only one scar or a wound.  
Rumlow was observing Winter Soldier when he was dressing up, but there was too dark to see anything. When assassin was ready Brock made a decision. 

-I think..- he really didn’t know how to say it.- If you let me of course. That maybe I should check if you have some wounds or injuries regarding to how Hydra’ s been treating you. But of course if you let me do it.- he repeated.- I know that you probably haven’t been making decisions for a long time, but I think that’s the best time to start. So I’m going to my room and if you agree with everything, just come and if you don’t, you can go to sleep like always. Okay?

Winter nodded and Brock moved to his bedroom and sat down on his huge bed. This room was really big and bright. Same light wood like that in the kitchen, very dark, grey cabinets, a TV on a light grey wall, large windows, and a balcony, and of course a bed. To be honest, that was the only thing that Rumlow changed before moving in. He ordered this exactly bed. The colour was grey, to match earlier design. The bed was very low and big, almost huge. It was simply, but it had very comfortable, curve backrest. Brock knew that it’s definitely too big for only him, there could fit at least 3 people, but he didn’t care. He had money, he had space, and that was jaw-dropping experience after years of sleeping in cardboards and tiny, military camp beds. 

About 3 minutes passed, when he heard quietly steps heading for his bedroom and few seconds later Winter Soldier was already in his bedroom. 

Rumlow wasn’t sure if that was Asset’s truly own decision or if he decided that it might be an order in some weird way, but whatever, it would be better for him. 

-So you came.- Brock smiled lightly and got up.- Sit there.- he patted an empty place on the bed.- And take off your shirt.

When Winter was completing orders Rumlow lighted up a cigarette and stood in front of him. Black-haired man was observing attentively his every movement, and tbh he felt like a fuckin’ creeper. 

When Soldier was already shirtless Brock came closer to examine his body. He wasn’t really surprised when he saw a scar around a place where the metal was attached to his shoulder. Also multiple scars on the other arm wasn’t something extraordinary, but then stuff was getting messier. On Winter’s chest was two, long probably after some knife business. 

-What the hell is that?- Brock crouched and touched huge, already purple bruise which was placed exactly in the middle of assassin’s stomach.- You don’t remember that, right?- he didn’t wait for Asset’s answer, he just grabbed his smartphone and called Hydra’s stuff.

-Oh yeah.- Rumlow recognised that fishy-looking guy’s voice.- There was some difficul-ties, but his internal organs are all right. If something more troublesome happened to him our weapon would be useless for a little bit and we really, really don’t want that to happen. So be careful agent Rumlow. 

-Fuck Hydra.- Rumlow hissed after he hanged up.- That hurts, right?- Rumlow discov-ered few scars after bullets and then he raised his head up. His eyes meet Winter’s,which were full of losstness.- Yeah, I know it hurts. But I think I might have something for that.- last glance at Winter and Rumlow moved to the bathroom. He started searching for an arnica cream or something like that. He remembered that this shit helped him a lot when he was Hydra’s trainee. Also he realised that Winter’s body was entirely hairless, well at least his torso. 

Finally Brock found the cream and headed back to his bedroom.

-It’s a little bit out of an expiration date, but you won’t eat this so it wouldn’t be a prob-lem…- Rumlow stopped instantly. Winter was still sitting on the bed but with his head hanged down. His long hair was hiding Asset’s face.- Everything all right?- Rumlow felt something which he couldn’t really understand. Something like compassion. But he thought that he is unable to have such feelings. 

Winter gazed at him behind his brown hair. He looked fucking lost and solitarily. 

-I’ll put this on your bruise, so do not freak out, k?- Brock kneeled in front of Winter and slowly put some cream on his fingers, then slowly and, as gently as possible, he smeared it onbruised place. He could feel his every muscle, every scar, wound, his light breath. And that was amazing. He haven’t been touching someone like this for a very, very long time. 

-Keep it.- Rumlow gave Winter the cream tube.- I’m sure that you’ll deal with that even better than me. Use this twice a day. And now I’ll check your back.  
Here, well, everything was worst. On both of shoulders were two identical scars- two big, irregular scars on both of them. Rumlow didn’t even wanted to how they were made. He found also multiple scars after shots and after knife stabs. One of the last was probably after piercing skin on the left hip through. There was also few new wounds, like one next to metal arm and one between eight and ninth rib. 

-I’ll decontaminate it.- Brock felt a little bit sick. He was really used to stuff like this. He killed a lot of people, he was torturing some of them, he did really brutal things, but that, with this guy, that was too much. All of this, atrocious treating, memory wiping. Jesus fucking Christ, that was sick. 

He went for some vodka, he didn’t own anything like hydrogen peroxide, when he was trainee he learnt that the best sanitizer was alcohol. He grabbed some bandages and came back to Winter.

-That will fucking hurt.- Brock drank some vodka.- Sorry man, but I can left it like that. It could become some nasty ass shit, so hold out, okay?

He saw a small nod and he kneeled on the bed behind assassin’s back. He sighed and poured Soldier’s wound with vodka. His only reaction was leaning his head lower, no hissing, no swearing, just this one movement. Same was with the other wound. Brock was amazed by that. Even he wouldn’t be able to stand that so emotionless. 

-It’s over now.- he said with crushed voice.- I’ll bandage it. Shit I could really saw this earlier. I’m sorry man. 

When he ended bandaging Soldier stood up and took his black, Dimmu Borgir shirt. But suddenly he stopped and glanced at Rumlow.

-You know that you can.- Brock smiled to him with an new idea in his head. 

Winter slowly put the shirt on and moved to living room.

-You know what Soldier?- he stopped next to the door.- You can stay here if you want. You know, the bed is huge and I would be an fucking asshole if I tell you to sleep on the couch while I’m laying in such a huge bed. So if you want you can stay. I won’t hurt you I promise.- oh fuck, why was he speaking so much. He wasn’t stressing out right now, or was he?

Winter slowly turned around and glanced at Brock with incomprehension.

-Here, if you want, of course.- Rumlow tapped place next to him.- But if you want, take the quilt with you. 

***  
Who was this man? 

Why wasn’t he buried under the ice? He didn’t understand anything. He was lost, scared and cold. Yes, the cold was overwhelming. He felt like his arms would soon froze.  
But today was different. He could feel warmth, it was weak but still. It came from this unknown man. He was observing him for a few days but he still couldn’t tell why he was here. Was it some kind of a punishment? No, this man haven’t lied his hands on him even once, till that one time. It hurt, but he somehow knew that this man didn’t want to hurt him. 

He really couldn’t understand anything of this. Everything changed so drastically. There were no strangers in white clothes, no Pearce, no ice. There was only this black-haired man. He liked to hear him talking. He was imbibing his every word. He was talking about food, weather, this strange thing where people moved, and never about him. He didn’t even know what was his name. But he mustn’t talk, there was no order which let him open his mouth. 

But he could watch. He knew that this black-haired man was a little bit smaller than him. And his hair was swept back. His features were harsh, but they relented while smiling. But he didn’t smile much, barely ever. He was talkative, full of energy, but when he thought that no one is watching his face expression changed to thoughtfulness. His brown eyes were looking out for something which wasn’t able to reach. 

He noticed that this man liked to wear only grey, thigh pants and sometimes thigh black shirt. He was muscular, but not beefy. He had a lot of old scars and something was drawn on his back. Like a dragon in many shades of black and red touches. Asset kind of like it, but he wasn’t allowed to stare at this.

He was listening to black-haired mans’ breath and when he was 100% sure that he’s sleeping he slowly moved a little bit closer to warmth and turned on his left side. He could see that man face in the light of street lamps. It was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this piece of shit  
> I'll se you later byeee


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvVTLm_RlDw  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZyBSSX2VII If you fancy chilly korean vibes while reading not so chilly ff.

-This is for your scars.- Brock showed Winter a small bottle with orange liquid inside.- It should be used for a long time and I’m not sure if we’ll have that much time, but screw it, I’ll apply it right now. 

Today, when Soldier took off his shirt, Brock could see his every scar clearly. 

-Jeez, what the hell they did to you man?- Rumlow sighed and started applying oil on Winters’ scars. When he finished he let assassin put on his shirt and then he stood in front of him.- I want you to know one thing, you are allowed to talk, to asking questions, sleeping in bed in which position you like and how long you fancy. Just do what you want, but please don’t run away. I’ll be dead 5 minutes after you left the apartment and I still don’t own Jaguar F-Pace. Okay?

Winter stared at Brock a little bit longer than usual and then he nodded. Rumlow was a little bit disappointed that he didn’t decided to talk, but no rushing. 

They ate dinner, today Brock made risotto. While eating they were watching CSI and Winter seemed interested in that series. Rumlow kind of liked it too. 

The rest of the day was very peaceful. Rumlow applied oil on Winters’ scars once again and they went to bed.

-Good night.- said Brock.- And you don’t have to wake up so early. Sleep as long as you want big man. 

***

He didn’t want to talk. Maybe he was still too scared, maybe he just forgot how to make sentences. 

He didn’t want to talk, but he wanted to listen to this men’s words, and he wanted his gently touch. He didn’t remember much, but he was sure that no one touched him like this men before. He was waiting all day long for time to apply this orange liquid. He liked how this strong, but delicate fingers with calluses from holding guns were almost caressing his skin, without intention of harming.

Today he also waited for this men to fall asleep. When his breath began static he turn on his metal arm and started staring at black-haired man. His was sleeping on his back and his face was lighted with the light of street lanterns. Suddenly he moved on his right back. Soldier freezed. He would be punished if he got caught staring. But luckily this man didn’t wake up. His face, now half covered in sheets, was right in front of Asset’s.

He was too afraid to breath for a few minutes. When he was finally sure that this man wouldn’t wake up he took a deep breath and began to stare again. He had tired face, with few wrinkles and a small scar on his lips which was almost hidden under a two-day beard . The longer he was observing this man the more beautiful he began to be. 

Asset slowly placed his eyes on this man’s hand which was laying just next to his. He waited a few minutes and moved his hand as slowly as he was able to black-haired man’s palm. He could feel his heath. He wanted to touch him, but he wasn’t allowed. 

Asset moved his entire body a little bit closer to this man and sighed quietly. 

***

Rumlow was nicely surprised when he saw Winter’s body lying next to him. He was sleeping in a perfect soldier position, even his breath was very systematic. Just fuckin’ perfection. The one imperfect thing was his not-metal fingers clasped around a white sheet and clenched lips. Brock could bet that Soldier is reminding something definitely not nice in his sleep. 

Black-haired man sighed and moved closer to Winter Soldier. He was kind of cold although it was summer. He took a look at the window. Yeah, it was raining, but he was content. He hated hot days as much as most of people hated cold ones. Oh, he missed winter. Maybe if everything will go fine Winter will see winter, with him. Fuck. why he even cared? It will be the best when he just come back to Hydra and won’t have any more contact with Brock. But at the same time, Rumlow started to feel some strange bond creating between them. He was giving Winter space, his time and kindness, and he received a little bit of his reliance. That was nice, but Brock avoiding accustoming to Soldier. Probably after next mission Hydra will make him forget the one man who treated him like human. That made Brock a little bit sad but well, life eventually will go forward, for both of them.  
Suddenly Winter mumbled something and opened his navy eyes.

-Hi, big man.- said Rumlow and smiled.- What about a day in the bed? Just lying and doing nothing. Do you fancy that? 

Winter, not completely awoken, nodded. 

-So I will order a breakfast.- Brock made a call to one good restaurant and lied down again.- Oh yeah, oil time.- he recalled and took a bottle from a bedside table.- Just take off your shirt and lie down, no need to sit or whatever. 

Winter did as he said and then he lied down on a white pillow. Brock tried not to stare too much, but Soldier looked so innocent with his brown hair all around his head like some kind of an aureole. The fact that this man probably has killed more people than a half of Hydra’s soldiers was practically unbelievable. But there was no Pierce, no Hydra and definitely no fuckin’ chair where Winter’s memory was erased. 

Rumlow leaned above Asset’s chest. The bruise was definitely smaller. With scars, well, there was no progress, but he was applying oil for like a few days. He probably won’t be able to see the progress, never. But anyways…

When his fingers touched Soldier’s skin he closed his eyes. Rumlow took back his fingers.

-You know…- he didn’t really know how to say this.- If you don’t like me touching you I will stop, just give me some sign. Do you want me to stop?

Soldier opened his eyes and stared at the celling for a few seconds then he shook his head. 

-All right.- black-haired man sighed. He could only wish that Soldier wasn’t scared to tell him no.

He tried to be even more gentle than always. Maybe he should buy something with an applicator? Whatever.

-Okay, turn around.

He saw all of Winter’s scars again and he almost felt sick. Damn, maybe he was to sensitive, but who the hell was able to do something like that.

-I know that I told you that already, but I still need you to know, that…- he stopped for a moment and touched this two scars on Winter’s shoulders.- I will never do anything like that to you. I can even fuckin’ promise you that. But I understand that you can still not trust me, and that’s totally okay, so I’ll give you as much space as you need. 

Rumlow wasn’t really surprised by silence. Asset was probably still scared, and he probably wasn’t the one person who looks trustworthy. But when he ended applying oil he heard a one, small word that came from Soldier’s mouth.

***

-Thanks.- it was so hard to say this one word, but he felt that it was the right time. 

-Oh…- black-haired man stopped for a moment. His was in such a shock that he didn’t say a single word for a few seconds.- Jeez fuck I’m sorry.- he smiled lightly and scratched the back of his head.- I’m just bewildered. There’s no need to thank me. Just trying to treat you right.- he wiped his hands into his sweatpants.- And you’ve got a nice voice btw. 

***

They’ve ate breakfast, watched TV and slept about 3 hours and Rumlow still couldn’t forget about Winter’s words, a word. He didn’t say anything more, but that was a progress, a huge progress. Now Brock knew that Soldier started to trust him and, moreover, that he can move on with new things. Like brushing teeth for example. 

Rumlow ordered a risotto which Asset seemed to like.

-It’s time to learn something new.- black-haired man gave Winter a brand new, blue toothbrush and showed him how to use it. Soldier was smart and he learned quickly. He comprehended everything instantly. –I recommend doing that after breakfast and before going to sleep. But if you think you need to do it more go ahead. If you don’t like that toothpaste just give me a hint. K?

Soldier nodded.

-Great.- Brock smiled and moved to hair conditioner.- Your hair will probably be smooth and healthy as hell, but who knows.- Rumlow informed Soldier while bathing.  
Then normally bandage changing, oil applying and finally sleeping. It wasn’t a hard day but Brock was tried.

***

For two next mornings Brock found Winter in the same perfect position. Everything in a perfect straight line. These days weren’t different than others. Winter didn’t say anything. Brock started to think that although he did his best nothing could be changed, but after all when the third morning came he found that Soldier’s head was tilted, also his right hand was lying in different position than always. That was an advance. Maybe small and meaningless for most of people, but Brock knew how hard that must have been for Winter. To not be a perfect asset.

Rumlow woke up as quietly as he could and went to Walmart. To buy fruits. He bought every kind that he could. There should be at least one that Soldier would like. 

-Cash or credit?- asked cashier.

-Credit.

-You sure like fruits.- a young man smiled friendly.

-Yeah…-he just wanted to come back home. 

***

Winter was still sleeping when Rumlow reached his apartment. His metal hand was squeezing the cover. 

-Stevie.- he whispered with woebegone voice.

Who the hell was Stevie. Brock approached Soldier quietly.

-Winter.- he said quietly.- Winter.

And suddenly he was lying on the floor pressed down by a metal arm of Winter Soldier.

-Jesus fuck!!- Brock tried to throw Asset from his body.- It’s just me.- but when he saw his navy eyes he didn’t find there any sign of recognition. There was only anger.- It’s me!! Brock Rumlow!!- he tried again.- You fucking know me!!- Soldier moved his right hand to Brock’s throat.- From Hydra.- his grip was incredibly strong and Rumlow knew that he didn’t have a lot of time. There was one thing that he could do, but…- Asset, calm down right now!!!

He was finally free. He could breathe, but he fucking said that and he felt like shit right now.

-Do you recognise me?- he asked after coughing his lungs away.

Winter was sitting in front of him with an astonished gaze.

-Brock?- he whispered gently staring at him. Suddenly his look changed. In his eyes appeared consternation.- What…

-You just.. Ah, forget it. –Rumlow got up and waved his hand. 

-No.- Soldier’s voice changed. He was demanding to know the truth and Brock, well, he didn’t know that this man was even able to demand something. 

-It’s not a big deal.- black-haired man turned away. He didn’t want to see those eyes.

-I don’t want to forget.

Holly fuck, how dumb was he.

-You just called out some Steve and then, well, you attacked me. 

-I’m… I… I didn’t want to.- Winter stuttered.

-You must have had a really bad dream, big guy.- Rumlow smiled.- Just get over it. I’m a fucking Hydra’s agent. It’s not that easy to kill me. Now, get up.- he gave Soldier a glance. He looked so miserable, that Brock just wanted to comfort him in some way. But how? Rather not by a hug. It won’t help anyone.- I bought a lot of fruit, hope you’ll like it.  
He moved to kitchen without looking back at Asset. 

-Won’t you punish me?- Winter stood at the doorstep. 

-What?- Rumlow turned in his direction.- Why should I?- but when he saw how devastated Winter looked he knew that he won’t receive any answer.- I saw many soldiers, fuck, I’m a fucking soldier. Maybe no one tortured me or whipped my memory, but I know what a stress and fear looks alike. I saw so many people with PTSD. Yeah, I don’t have it, but it’s because I’m a heartless bastard, but, fuck, how could I punished you because of that?

-I just tried…

-No, big man, you were beating off, I don’t know what, but I’m heartless motherfucker, but I’m not stupid. Soldiers are losing their minds after war and you.- he faked a laugh.- You probably started remembering what they did to you. So I understand and I’ll give you as much space as you need, want, to deal with it. And now let’s try some fruits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great day/night my friends. Hope you like it.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know it hurts you when I fucking shiver   
> Well. trust me I was such a strong believer  
> But what's the point of searching for that halo?  
> My eyes are blinded and my heart is shallow'
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poA43J1IeB4

-That’s good.- Winter said quietly.

-Really, plums?- Brock stopped eating his favourite mango and stared at Soldier with confusion. 

Asset tried almost every kind of fruits, but he didn’t seem to love any of them. Even mangos, which was unbelievable for Rumlow. Who on the earth could not love mangos? Only few fruits was left. Plums, raisins and currants. Brock didn’t know much people who liked this kind of fruits, but when Winter tried plums, black-haired man, already knew that was it.

Winter only nodded and continued eating.

-Well, I’m glad that you found something you like. 

-Why?- Winter raised his head and stared straight at Rumlow.

-Well, because everyone should like something.- Brock peeled off another piece of mango.- Life is better when you fancy something, even if it’s a small thing.

Soldier just gave him a strange look.

***

-You can’t sleep, right?- Brock had noticed that Winter sighed a few times and that he changed his position three times.

-I’m sorry.- Soldier seemed to be surprised and scared.- I’ll go to…

-That’s okay, big man. Can’t sleep either. Do you fancy a small talk then?- jeez, why was he talking so strangely?- Does silence means yes?

-Yes.- Soldier whispered very, very quietly.

-So, I guess your name isn’t ‘Winter Soldier’, right?- Brock moved on his right side, to see Asset.

-I don’t know, but I don’t think so.

Brock wasn’t saying anything for a few seconds. Fact, that he was actually talking with this deadly assassin, in his bed btw, was so fucking unexpected. But nice. Very nice.

-You don’t remember your real name?- he didn’t want to bring bad memories to Winter, but he wanted to stop calling him “Soldier”, “winter” or “big man”.

-Don’t know if I ever had any.-his voice was steady, almost emotionless.

-Do you want to have a real name?- Brock rolled the dice, he really had no idea how Asset will react.

-I…I don’t really know…- he was so lost.- if I can. I’m just an Asset.

-James.- said Rumlow without thinking.- James suits you well.

Winter shivered and moved his metal arm to his head. Lights from the street reflected on metal surface.

-Why?- he said with woebegone voice.

-Don’t know. Maybe because James Bond.- Brock heard this voice.- Or James Dean, or James Joyce or Meredith or Foley or Franco. I freakin’ love Franco. But I don’t really know it just suits you. But if you don’t like it…

-I…like that.-said Winter.

-Great, so maybe James Snow, like Jon, but James.- but it was similar to ‘Winter’ and Rumlow just realised that.

-It’s ok.- Winter whispered and sighed.

-Is everything all right?- black-haired man gave James a suspicious look.

-Yes…

-I’ll show you every James that I told you later. I think you’ll like James Dean.

-It’s a waste of time.

-…- Brock was astonished.

-I’ll forget it anyway.

For a moment Rumlow had forgotten about all this shit, and that moment was amazing. Everything was so regular and nice.

-I don’t think so.-he said finally.- If they wanted they wouldn’t probably made me your handler.

Just another quiet sigh. 

-Does something hurt you?- he was so dumb. Probably everything hurt that man lying next to him.

-No…I don’t know.- James covered his face with metal hand.- Like in the middle of my chest, then everywhere. I just don’t know.  
But Brock knew.

-I can’t help you.- he turned on his back again.- No one can help you, no medicines can help you. Only you can do this. And I’m sorry I cannot do much, but I’ll give you a space. Even right now…- he lifted on his elbows to get up.

-No.- Winter voice become strong.- I don’t need… more space.

Brock lied down again on his left side.

-I don’t know what to do and I’m sorry for that.- he moved his hand under sheets and finally met right Winter’s palm. James shivered but didn’t moved his hand.- Just tell me to get out and I’ll.

-Don’t…please.- James squeezed Rumlow’s hand lightly.

***

Brock woke up with his hand still holed by Winter. He felt so good, that he wanted to spend a hole eternity like that. Black-haired man turned on his right side and by accident he touched a small piece of James’ bare skin. It was abnormally cold.

-James.- Brock almost sprung on his feet and touched Soldier’s forehead.- James, everything’s all right?

Assassin slowly opened his navy eyes and looked right at Rumlow’s face.

-You cold, man?- Brock asked again.

-No.- James was still sleepy.

-You cold as fuck, man.- he decided that he will push him to tell him the truth. 

-A weapon cannot be cold.- his voice was so blank, same as his eyes which moved to the corner of the room. 

-James.- Rumlow leaned above him.- Look at me.- Soldier had done as he was told.- You’re not my weapon, understand?- he might be a little too harsh, but Winter needed something to brace him up.

-Brock.- he whispered and his gaze became softer, like he was released from something. He shivered.

-Are you cold?- Rumlow didn’t give up.

Shivers were his only answer, but it was enough.

-I’ll bring some blankets.- he quickly get up and rushed for anything that will make Winter less cold. He checked the hour. 5:13. They had still a lot of time. But maybe not. One call could change everything. Sometimes Rumlow just wanted gave Winter back to Hydra and came back to his usual life. Sleep, training, work for S.H.I.E.L.D., work for Hydra, something to eat and sleep again. But sometimes he wanted also to shut his phone down and just run away with this metal-armed man to a place where no one will find them: nor Hydra, nor Captain Fucking America. But there was no place like this. And he didn’t even liked Winter that much to give up on everything for him.

-I’ve got blankets.- Rumlow covered long-haired man with them.

-Thanks.- a soft whisper.

-What the hell happened?

-It could be because of the ice.- Winter hide his face behind sheets. 

-What the actual fuck?- another sick Hydra’s stuff? There was a single fucked up thing that they didn’t do to this single man?

-They are putting me in the ice. They can defrost me whenever they want me to execute an order. It can takes years, but I’m just sleeping…

Short, emotionless explanation. 

-You still cold?- simple question.

-Yes.- Rumlow was almost surprised. 

-Don’t take it wrong.- he suddenly moved closer to Winter and embraced him closely.- And if you want me to stop just punch me in the face. 

-I won’t.- James whispered. 

Brock was at least astonished. They were fucking cuddling. And that was at least fucked up, but amazing at the same time. Brock felt like a totally wild cat licked his hand for the first time. But he still didn’t like him that much to made himself next Hydra’s target. Or… Nah, just nah.

***

Where was the last time when someone was touching him? Maybe never. But now warm, strong arms was around his torso. He couldn’t stop staring at this man’s face. It was so beautiful.

-Stop.- he told himself in his head.- Stop, you’ll forget him anyway.

“James” closed his eyes. The more he will stare the more memory erasing will hurt. 

***

It was almost eight, but Rumlow didn’t have the heart to wake Soldier up. They were close but there was a little bit of a distance between them. 

-It should never be shorter.- decided Brock moving closer to James.- Damn it, now I’m cold.

-I really, really shouldn’t get used to it.- he thought.

***

-Hi, do you want a coffee?- Rumlow gave James a glance. 

Around 9 he decided to finally get out of bed. He did not wake up Winter, he really deserved as much sleep as he wanted to. But he woke up a few minutes after and came to kitchen all messy and still half-asleep.

-Yeah, thank you.

-Ok, gimme a minute.- Brock quickly prepared coffee and something to eat.- Shit I forgot to show you.- he stood up suddenly.- I ‘ve bought something fancy as fuck.  
Black-haired man went to the bathroom and brought black bath bomb, which was his totally spontaneous purchase

-It makes water completely black. 

-You serious?- Soldier was truly amazed.

-Yeah, you wanna try?- Rumlow smirked. 

-But you seem to like it.- said long-haired man timidly. He was just to empathetic for a deadly assassin.

-Nah, I prefer taking showers.- Brock encouraged him. 

-Then all right. 

James sometimes behaved like he was from a different period. But actually that made sense. At least for Brock.

-You wanna candles?

-I…- Winter hesitated for a moment. 

-There’s no wrong answers.- smiled Brock.

-There could be a few candles…instead of a light.

-As you wish James.- black haired man patted his head. Damn, he got almost silky hair.

***

-Damn men, that’s truly awesome.- Rumlow still soaking with water after taking a shower bend over totally black water. 

-If you want…- James started talking, but he stopped and then he bite his lip.

-Well, if you don’t mind could I probably get into the bathtub?- Brock.

James looked at him with confusion.

-It’s your bath, why you’re asking me?

-Because you’re in it. But if you say so…- Brock without much hesitation got into the bathtub and sat in front of Winter Soldier. 

***  
They were facing each other. James looked beautiful in dim light with his hair soaking wet and relaxed gaze.

-It’s not that I’m afraid of light.- he started suddenly and he looked like he regretted that. But he decided to keep going.- Or it’s reminding me of something, maybe at the very beginning, after that one room…

Brock was listening very carefully. He wanted to hear every James’ word, because that was the first time when he actually started talking first and that openly.

-It’s because I don’t want to see myself.- his voice cracked a little bit.- I don’t want to see this.- he pointed at his metal arm. I’m not scared. After all of this it would be funny if I was scared of light. I just…don’t want to see all of this. 

Brock remained silent for a while.

-I would like to say that I understand, but I’ve never been through that much. It was a time when I wanted to break every mirror on my way, cut my face and then died. But one day I just did no longer care. Don’t know how this happened. I think that it will just pass away, like everything else. 

James closed his eyes. Even in this poor lightening Brock could see pain on his face. 

-And maybe you would not care at all, but I like looking at you.- Winter gave him a suspicious gaze. Their knees rubbed against each other.- You’re beautiful, just saying. 

***

He was going insane. Why was that all for? He wasn’t beautiful. He was the most disgusting creature that ever existed. There was exactly like Brock has said. He wanted to cut his face, destroy that metal thing and die, before Hydra could capture him again.

***

It was better than I excepted.- said Brock while they were sitting on the couch eating cookies.

-So why you always take a shower?

-It’s quicker, less stuff to do, or I’m just used to it.

-So what’ve changed?

Rumlow remained silent for a bit. 

-You were there.-he wanted to say, but well, that would be dumb. 

-Dunno, it was just nice I guess. But you know what? I’ve got a brilliant idea.

-What do you have in mind?- James was definitely suspicious.

-If you don’t mind I would like to check how old exactly are you.

-How?

-Just wait.- Brock brought his laptop.- One more minute. 

He started clicking and a few seconds later he was ready. 

-So I assume you couldn’t be born before XX , but I want to make sure. 

Suddenly the sound of a piano filled a whole room. 

-Do you recognise it?- asked Rumlow.

Winter Soldier closed his eyes.

-Yeah, I do. – he answered.- Chopin’s Nocturne.

-And this?- he chosen The Virginians - Nothing Could Be Sweeter, something from late 20’s. 

-Yes. 

-If you want me to stop just say that.

-No.- James voice become tougher.- I want to know, I think.

-All right then. Next song. 

This time it started with old fashioned sound of trumpets and guitar.

-I know that, but I can’t remember who is this.

-Bing Crosby ‘I’m Through With Love’.

-Yeah, exactly.- Winter sighed.

Next were Ruth Etting’s Shine on Harvest Moon from 1931, Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians - That Old Feeling from 1937, Vera’s Lynn from 1941 and Betty’s Hutton ‘It Had To Be You’ from 1944, but when it came to Sinatra’s All the Things You Are from 1945 couldn’t recall anything. 

-So I assume that Hydra captured you around 1945.- Brock reached for his smartphone and opened calculator. 

-That could be possible.- James opened his eyes. 

-You couldn’t be older than 20 something, right?

-I guess. 

-Well, so you’re now old as fuck.

-How much time’ s passed?

-At least 90 years.

Winter Soldier was only staring at the ceiling. 

-I’m going to do… some tea.- Brock shutted down his laptop and moved to kitchen. He wanted to give James some time. 

He sat down on one of chairs and started waiting for water to boil.

-Have you fell asleep, kid?- suddenly and soundlessly Soldier appeared in the kitchen.

-Uh…- Rumlow almost fell of a chair because of a surprise.- Maybe a little bit. Wait, what? Kid?

-Since I might be around 100 years old, that makes you a kid. Doesn’t it?

-Yeah, you’ve got a point.- Brock smiled and finally turned off the cooker.- Old man. 

***

Another three days passed by peacefully, nothing special happened, of course there were a few calls from Steve or Rollins. They seemed to be worried’ bout him, but Rumlow didn’t really care. Well, maybe about Rollins, just a little bit, he liked that guy, quiet, trustworthy man, with a good aim. But Steve was just annoying. Captain Fuckin’ America. 

Well, apart from that calls nothing happened. But Rumlow observed that James started waking up in the middle of the night with his metal fingers clenching bed sheets. A few seconds later he was breathing quickly, but then he just calmed down. 

That day…night, when they were already in bed, James reading Oscar’s Wilde book, Rumlow was thinking about what to do now. He could just wait for Hydra’s call without any moves, just like that, but he just couldn’t keep Winter closed. He had crazy idea in his head, maybe he could hide Soldier’s metal arm under bandages, or James could just put it in a pocket. But still, that would be too risky.

-Something wrong?- Winter’s voice picked Rumlow out from his intending.

-Nah, why?- he tilted his head to look right at James eyes. 

-You’re frowning your eyebrows.- Soldier started reading again, this man could read one book in one evening. 

-I thought you were reading, not observing me.- Brock smiled. 

-I’ve just finished.- James put the book on the drawer.

-You liked that?- Rumlow was glad that he could take up a conversation about a book.

-Yes, sad but great.- Winter’s hand placed a few unruled wisps behind his ear

-I’ve got a few more books that you haven’t read yet.

-No, I’m good. But thanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it  
> Also stan NELL, did you liked their song btw? (that from chapter summary)
> 
> Have a nice day/night bros.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long break. Exams.....
> 
> https://soundcloud.com/kiara_lanier/eye-to-i

The night was peaceful, no cloud was veiling the moon. No sounds of other people presence, no dogs barking, just silence. And his gasping. Yeah, that wasn’t right.

Brock didn’t even had the time to realise what exactly was wrong. A harsh hiss broke through the silence and in the next second he was already pressed to the bed by a metal arm. The other hand moved to his neck and started choking him.

-Holly fuck…- he was enabled to utter any more words. 

This time was so much different from the first time when Winter attacked him. Right now in his eyes was only pure fury.

Brock was losing strength. He couldn’t even think clearly. Everything in front of his eyes started to blur. With the last ounce of strength he got hold of Winters’ wrist and tried to loosen up his grip. But that wasn’t fucking easy.

-Прекратить То, что сейчас!!- Soldier hissed suddenly and moved his hand a little bit.

Finally Brock could take a breath.

-James…-he gasped.- Fuckin’ wake up!!

Winter Soldier freezed for a second, but that was enough for Rumlow. He quickly grabbed James’ neck and throwed him on the floor. He fell after him, but that didn’t really matter, because now he was on top. 

-James, you motherfucker!!- he stopped a metal fist right before his face.- You fuckin’ know me!! 

Rumlow grabbed Soldier’s both arms and tried to press him to the floor, but Winter was just too damn strong, and quick, and again on top. Brock was raised up just with one hand and thrown on the bed. All of this was so unexpected that he become woozy for a second. And that was exactly enough time for Winter to choke him again. 

Brock felt oxygen escaping his lungs and James’ long hair touching his face. He opened his eyes one more time and saw Winter’s face a few centimetres from his. Frist time in his life Rumlow didn’t have any plan, but he still had a little bit of intuition. He slowly raised his head up and touched James’ forehead with his.

-James Winter.- he whispered faintly.- It’s me…

Their noses brushed against each other and suddenly air broke in Rumlow’s lungs. His head dropped on white, messy sheets and a few seconds later he started coughing. Winter’s image was blurry but black-haired man saw him sitting with terrified, incredulously expression.

For next few minutes Rumlow was gathering strength to even lift himself up on his elboves. 

-Kill me.- those two words left James’ mouth.- Please.

-Just shut up.- Brock growled and inserted his fingers into Winters’ hair. He pulled in their foreheads together, just like a few minutes ago.- Shut up for a moment, I have to overthink that. 

There was a silence disturbed only by their breathes. 

He could’ve died. No, he could be murdered in his sleep. Well, what was he expecting from a deadly assassin, as Winter Soldier? Probably that was his task. But that didn’t make any sense. And what was with this “Stop it now’ in Russian? No, no, it definitely wasn’t his task to kill him. It had to be a bad dream, but how bad had it be to cause such a reaction?

They were laying in a silence, his fingers were still between James’ hair. Rumlow’s hand moved to older mans’ neck, then to his back. He could feel his ribs.

-You’re so fuckin’ skinny.- Brock whispered and lowered his hand a little bit more. Now it was resting just above Winters’ hip.- I should give more nutritious food. 

-I just’ve tried to kill you!- Jame’s voice was so faint.

-Why?- Rumlow finally was able to make a visual contact with Soldier.

-Some of them came back…Memories…

-Say no more.- Rumlow sighed.

-No.- said Winter with a stronger voice.- I almost killed you because of this. You should know.

-Don’t push yourself.

-I was in the snow, dying and there were so much blood. It was mine and my arm was lying just next to me…But someone dragged me somewhere. They were doing… something with my arm and I was able to see all of this. That’s all. Pathetic. 

Rumlow sighed one more time. That was seriously soo fucked up. He could only imagine how terrifying was all of this, and yet it was only an imagination that caused a shiver.

-Come closer.- he said quietly and patted the area just next to him. 

-But…- Winter was so anxious.

-Shut up and come here.- said Brock quite harshly, but still calm. 

After their bodies were almost touching Rumlow covered them with a blanket.

-Are you warm enough?- he asked.

-Yeah…- Winter whispered and remained silent for a little bit longer.- I’m sorry. 

-Stop saying that. It’s not your fault.- Brock sighed and patted older man’s hair.-Don’t take it wrong, but I’m glad, that it wasn’t Hydra's order.

-I wouldn’t kill you for them.- firstly Rumlow thought that he misunderstood, but a few seconds later he realised that he didn’t actually mishear.

-Why?- why he was talking shit like that? To make him regret a miserable Hydra’s victim? Holy fuck, that was soo fucked up.

-You are the only one person who doesn’t treat me like a wild animal.- Winter answered with steady, calm voice

-Just because you’re not one.- sighed Brock.

-Anyway thank you. And sorry, really. 

-Cheer up, old man, I cannot be killed that easily. 

In the dim light of the moon Winter seemed to be only a regular, weak man who only needed intimacy.

-Come.- Rumlow suddenly stood up and headed to bathroom. As always he filled the bathtub with warm water, took off his clothes and sat down inside.

-Sit there.- he showed a place between his legs.

***

He couldn’t take his eyes from this black haired man. The way he walked, almost soundlessly, the way he lengthen himself while taking off his black shirt. It was completely dark but he knew that on Rumlow's back, torso, legs and arms were a lot of scars. 

-Sit there.- said Brock after lightning a single, small candle. He showed him place between legs. He thought that maybe that man was only joking, but no, he was dead serious. 

So he did as he was told to do. The warmth of the water and the person next to him was unbelievably pleasant. 

-Rest on my chest, if you want of course.- black haired man whispered.

He leaned slowly on Rumlow's muscular chest and closed his eyes. He could feel this man's steady breath right next to his ear. 

Suddenly the silence broke the sound of moved water and a second after Rumlow's strong arm embraced his chest.

-You feel better now?

-Yes, thank you.

-You don’t seem to be.- Rumlow's hand caressed softly his neck.

-Do you wish to get rid of me and go back to your previous life?- that was the question that he had in his mind for a very long time. 

-I don’t know. You don’t really bother me or anything. Honestly I thought that all of this would be troublesome, but I like you.

-You do?- without thinking he leaned his head on Rumlow's shoulder.

-Yeah, you’re a nice guy and it’s quite nice to have someone with who you can have a conversation.

When a deathly hush fell Brock started talking again.

-Of course a lot of things’ ve changed.- he felt gently stroking around his neck and chest.- Like doing someone breakfast. That’s literally the first time when I was cooking for someone. Eating with someone. Watching some shit in tv with someone. Waking up next to someone. Sitting with someone in the bath. All of this’ ve changed. But I like it. It’s different but fine. So I don’t wish to get rid of you, old man.

 

He closed his eyes and sighed. What was the feeling in his brain? He really couldn’t name it. 

***

Brock’s never felt like this in his lifetime. Winter's body heath, his pleasant, natural fragrance, his wet hair touching Rumlow's neck, his muscular arm leaning on Hydra's agent thigh. Damn… All of those things made Brock want to kiss this deadly assassin. Yeah, kiss him right in his plump lips.

Wait…

What the hell was wrong with him?

***

He wasn’t thinking right when his fingers lightly touched Rumlow's hairy arm and found a big, old scar.

-Do you remember how you got this?

-Heh, funny thing, old man.- Brock laughed.- I was still training in SEALs, when me and bunch of guys went to the nearest pub. There was one stupid motherfucker Andy. He always had the dumbest ideas among all of us, but to be honest he was the best when it came to knives. So, in this pub there was a small dartboard. Everyone was already drunk AF, but you know, military. Andy somehow got himself a knife and he threw it exactly at the centre of the dartboard. He asked me if I could bring him back that dam knife, but when I was pulling it out he got himself another knife and threw it right here.- he pointed at his scar.- This motherfucker was so drunk that his perfect aim fucked up.- Rumlow laughed once again, this time, much bitter.- I can tell you more, if you want.

-I want.

-I’ll move to the front.- said Brock.- Would you mind if I sat on your thighs?

-No, I won’t.- second later Rumlow's chest was just in front of his eyes.

-Now give me your hand.- black-haired man's fingers gently grabbed his hand then slightly moved them to his neck. 

Winter's fingers felt a long scar a centimetre above Rumlow's collarbone.

-I was on a mission in Armenia and suddenly everyone from my group disappeared. It was still winter and I couldn’t see shit because of a fog and suddenly I felt a hand which grabbed my head from behind. I still don’t know who was he, but luckily he was dumb enough to miss my throat.

His hand moved below, to his chest. Just next to his right nipple was irregular, convex scar.

-That one is after an explosion in Russia. It was a few years ago. Into our hideout in st. Petersburg’s suburbs suddenly popped in a grenade. I was the luckiest out of whole group. One ended without his head, the other one without an arm, I, well, just with this. 

With every scar that Rumlow’ s shown him, he felt tightening bond between them. He started to be scared of this. He didn’t want to forget this man, who he already liked too much.

***  
Rumlow with relief moved Winter's arm from his after-explosion scar. All because of sudden speeded up heartbeat. What the hell was he doing? He was sitting on James’ thighs, making him touch his naked body. Was he playing a seduction game? He honestly didn’t know, but couldn’t make himself stop.

Next scars were around 7th and 8th rib. They were short, regular.

-They were made by some crazy Chinese kid who thought that I killed his father. Unfortunately his dad had connections with mafia, so had that child. They kidnapped me, drugged. Then that seventeen-years-old kid grabbed a knife and tried to kill me. I passed out and I woke up in a hospital. Still don’t know what happened. But I still remember the anger in his eyes, man…

His hand moved to irregular, round scar above his navel.

-It was simply a shoot, but at the first time I thought I would die.- Rumlow laugh was bitter.- Now it’s just funny.

Next was the scar next to his right hip bone.

-I was in Macedonia, undercover operation, late evening, I was drinking in a bar with a nice, kinda cute guy, but he happened to be actually the guy who I had to kill. When we went to our room he suddenly stabbed me, but at the end he ended up in a plastic bag. 

As Winter’s hand was getting lower Brock realised that he was getting hard.

-Shit.- he thought lowering himself a bit more.- There’s not the time for this. And is he even able to get hard? 

-The rest, on my stomach, is just random scars after stabbing, fights or shooting. Nothing with a deep history.

He moved James’ hand even lower, to his left tight where on both sides were irregular, very gibbous scars.

-Again, China.- Rumlow sighed.- We were in some shitty, poor neighbourhood. Don’t even remember why. And suddenly I saw a stray, badly wounded dog tied up to a bench. Of course I had to approach him and set him free. He must’s thought that I was the man who tied him up and he bit me. Guys had to kill him and they had to literally wrenched him out of my leg. Damn, that was insane.

-You’re a good man.- suddenly said Winter.

Rumlow shutted up and stared at James with an astonishment.

-What?- asked Soldier and gave him amazed look.

-You know…- started Brock with hesitation.- That was actually the first time when someone told me that. I’ve always heard that I’m son of a bitch, motherfucker, fucking bastard, stuff like that. It’s just so strange to hear that.

-Maybe I don’t know many people, but you’re definitely not a fucking bastard. 

-It’s funny.- Rumlow laughed.- To hear you swear. It suits you, in some way.

-You think?

-Yeah, old man.- Brock patted his head and got out from bathtub.- I’ll show you rest another day.

A second later Winter also got up and reached for a towel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, that probably in June, I'll upload chapters more regularly


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jreVo9Z8XLs  
> Stan KREAM btw

-What exactly are you doing?- asked Winter with a suspicious look.

Rumlow, after a huge breakfast, decided that it’s best time to do some workout. But he wouldn’t think, that this activity would be completely unfamiliar to James.

-I’m working out.- Brock stopped doing push-ups and lay down. The floor wasn't especially comfortable because he was not wearing any shirt. 

-Why?- Soldier was even more confused.

-To keep those muscles on fleek.- said Rumlow.- To remain fit, as fucking hot and handsome as I already am. To be sure no motherfucker could kick my ass.

-Ahh.. I understand.- James smiled cheerfully.- Do you think I need to work out too?

-Nah, your metal arm could knock everyone down.- black-haired man laughed.- But you can exercise a little bit for sure. Or you can help me if you want.

-How?- James got down the couch and approached Rumlow.

-You can sit down and hold down my feet. While doing sit ups you tend to move a little bit.

-All right.- Winter’s done as Rumlow said.- Is it right?

-Yeah, old man, thanks.- man started doing sit ups, but it turned out more difficult than he remembered it to be a few months ago.- Jesus Christ.- he groaned as he felt a horrible cramp in his tight. He grabbed Winter’s arm and leaned against his shoulder.

-Everything all right?- James’ voice was startled. 

-Yeah, all right.- Rumlow gasped and smiled to him.- Just a fucking cramp.

He casually leaned on the floor.

-Do you need any help?- Winter was seriously disturbed.

-No, don’t worry. Such a little cramp can’t hold me back.- gods, he was so tired.- Wanna join?- he straightened his arm.- Arm pillow and stuff like that.

-…

-You don’t know what arm pillow is?- now Brock was seriously astonished.

-No.

-You simply lay on someone’s arm. And that’s it. 

Winter slowly lied himself down on Rumlow’s shoulder.

-And how’s this?- Hydra’s agent asked.

-Comfortable. Nice.

-I’m glad.- Brock’s hand slowly caressed James’ silky hair.

For a few minutes in the room remained silence. It wasn’t the type of an awkward silence, but Rumlow interrupted it.

-I’m not a good man, James.- said Rumlow looking right into Winter’s eyes.

-So who is?

-Look outside the window. Everybody.- they were so close that they could feel each other breath on their faces.- I’m a murderer, a spy, a double agent. I do everything for money. I kill, torture, kidnap for cash. I am not a good man James. 

For a few minutes Winter was only looking at him. 

-So why do I like you that much?- asked Soldier.

Rumlow’s heart skipped a beat. What the hell was going on right now?

-I do murder people too. Probably I also tortured, kidnapped and I don’t know what else. But all of this doesn’t matter, you’re just good, you didn’t anything to me since the beginning. You didn’t even shouted at me. You took care of my wounds, let me sleep with you. If you were a fucking bastard I wouldn’t like you, but you see yourself…

Rumlow grabbed a metal hand and connected his fingers casually.

-One day Hydra will fall and you’ll finally be free. You will meet another people, normal, ordinary people whom the worst crime was cursing on their boss and they will be a good men.

-…

-Believe me.- Brocks’ fingers caressed gently Winter’s face.

-If one day I would be free, the only thing that I will want to do, will be meeting you.

Rumlow closed his eyes. 

-I’m really pleased by that.- he smiled.- I would like that to happen as well, but life is brutal. If shit happens and we won’t be able to meet each other I want you to promise me that you’ll carry on and move forward. You’ll meet a lot of great people, who’ll help you even better than me.

-I won’t promise you anything like that.- Winter hissed.- I’ll find you and…

-And what?- Brock laughed.- When Hydra will collapse I will die with it…

-Don’t fucking say that.- James got up and gave him a hurtful gaze.-I know that… we both could die anytime, especially you, and that is fucking painful to me.- he sighed.- So please, don’t say anything about you dying. I…wouldn’t know…

Brock get on his feet and approached Winter. After a second of hesitation he slowly embraced him.

-You’re right. Sorry.- he whispered.- I shouldn’t have said that.

-Just give yourself a chance.- James answered.- Do not treat yourself just like that.

Rumlow felt strong, metal arm embracing him. He sighed and hid his face in Winter’s hair. They smelled like shampoo. 

-I’ll try man.- he said.- But that is not the type of life approach I’m the biggest fan of. 

They were to close. Too fucking close. They should be indifferent strangers, two men who only worked together, Asset and his handler, not two people holding each other. 

Rumlow closed his eyes, he couldn’t make himself to step back, he wanted to stay like this forever. How all those things evolved to something like that.

Brock patted Soldier’s shoulder and finally pushed aside. That’s how things should look alike. 

****

-No, I don’t feel like going out.- said Brock and almost ended Rollins’ call.

-Man, you should do something from time to time.

-Shut up, don’t wanna.- hissed Rumlow.

-You shut up, I’ll grab beer and come to your house.- said Jack without even a drop of hesitation.- And fuck your objections.

-You crazy bastard…- man heard the sound of declining.

-It’s not because of me?- asked James who appeared out of nowhere.

-Nah man.- Rumlow scratched his neck.- I don’t really like going out to be honest. Too noisy, too crowdy and uh… just don’t like that. Whatever. My friend will come here…

-Okay, I’ll try not to kill him.- said Winter and walked away.

Brock freezed for a second.

-You know that’s not what I meant?!- he yelled to the man.

-Yeah…

-Shit, he just made a joke.- Brock was totally astonished.- A fucking joke.

***

-We can talk, right?- said Rollins while opening his second beer.

-Yeah man, since we know how to, I guess we can.- Rumlow always became grumpy after drinking.

-Oh shut up.- Jack frowned.- You know what I mean.

-Yeah, he is sleeping right now.- sighed Hydra’s agent.

-I thought that he will be more…terrifying.- started man.- But he was pretty normal.

-Yeah, he is normal.- Rumlow gave Rollins angry glance.

-Jesus fuck don’t be so moody. I was just surprised that he was almost friendly and that he prefers vodka than beer.

-Yeah, I was surprised to.- Brock smiled to himself memorising how Winter rejected Jack’s can of beer claiming that he likes vodka more. 

-So, how’s everything going. Does he behave well.

-Don’t talk about James like about some kind of an animal.- Rumlow was disconcerted.

-You even gave him a name?

-Yeah, what’s about that?

-Chill bro, don’t be so fucking aggressive.- sighed Rollins and took a sip of the beer.

-I just…- man hid his face in his hand.- I fucking can’t believe how they treated him. Memory wiping, putting him into ice. Fucking insane. Is that the right thing to do, man?

-Fuck no.- replied Rollins.- But what can you do?

-Stop them…

-That would be stupid.- Jack laughed.

-Maybe, but…

-Stop. You’re doing enough of good things. You treat him like a human. And what will happen if you try to stop them? They will kill you immediately and wipe his memory. Do you think that will be okay?

-Maybe you’re right.- Rumlow closed his eyes and leaned back on a couch. 

-Not maybe, I am right.

***

He wasn’t sleeping, he was just pretending. He was listening carefully to every Brock’s word. And he didn’t understand him. Why he even was thinking about helping him, stopping Hydra? That was insane. They knew each other only a few weeks so they were practically complete strangers. There was something special between them, for sure, some kind of a silent understanding, but James wouldn’t even think that it was that meaningful. 

-Why can’t you just stop?- he whispered to himself.- It would be better if we’ve never met.

***

Winter was sitting blankly on the couch for more than an hour. He didn’t even notice Rumlow’s long stares.

-Hey.- Brock couldn’t stand this awkward silence.- What’s wrong with you recently?

-What…- James woke up and gave him a surprised look.

-You’ve been absent a whole week until now.- Brock stretched on the armchair and lied across the furniture.- You’re barely talk, eat, communicate. I don’t want to poke mine nose into your affairs, but it’s getting weird already.

-Sorry.- Soldier gave him a tired smile.- It’s nothing, I’m just a little bit worn out recently.

Brock just shrugged.

***

-I was just thinking that it would be better if we’ve never met.- a silent whisper reached Brock’s ears.

They were already lying in the bed and Rumlow was almost 100% sure that Soldier has fallen asleep. At first he was too shocked to reply, after few seconds he decided not to give any answer and wait for Winter’s next words. 

-I don’t want to forget you or kill you on Hydra’s demand. Maybe if you were an asshole like the others that wouldn’t be a problem, but… I’m scared.- he sighed.- I don’t want to hurt you. I would rather die than do anything to you. 

Brock rolled in Winter’s direction to finally lay on half of James’ body.

-As I said before I can take care of myself.- he whispered right into his ear.

Suddenly Soldier’s metal arm grabbed Rumlow and turned him over. Black haired man was pressed down to the bed with all of Winter’s weight. 

-Just like at this moment?- James asked. Some of his hair was tickling Rumlow’s face.

-I let you this time.- Brock smirked. His hand moved to Winter’s head and got into his silky hair.- I didn’t have a gun nor a knife. 

-If you had please shoot me.- James didn’t escape from his touch. 

-I’ll shoot you in the arm, or a leg, or I’ll stab you with a knife.- Rumlow’s finger moved slowly to man’s shoulder.- But I won’t kill you. 

-Why?- Brock could felt tension accumulating between them. 

-Because I’ll make you remember me.- Hydra’s agent pulled the other man to himself.- I’ll make you remember everything.- Brock touched lightly Winter’s neck with his nose.- Every little thing about myself. No matter how much time it will take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I'll try uploading more frequently this time c:  
> The atmosphere got a little bit hotter at the end of this chapter, hope u liked it


	8. VIII

Brock realised one thing. He was screwed. He had absolutely no idea how all of this has happened. He told himself multiple times that it’s not going to happen, that he’s not that dumb, but before he could really realise and stop the process he was already screwed. 

Despite his unwillingness, he had to admit, that he had fallen for James. 

-Shit.- he whispered. It was 4 AM and he was sitting in the kitchen blaming himself. It shouldn’t has happened. Winter should only be an Asset, nothing more, nothing less. But he became someone precious to Brock. Unfortunately. 

Rumlow lighted a cigarette.

-Fuck.- how the hell his life became so crazy?

***

A heavy box landed on the floor just next to Winter.

-Shit, sorry man.- Brock jumped off the chair.

-It’s ok.- said Soldier looking at papers which fell off the box.- Oh, they are amazing.

Rumlow peeked at the papers which were actually photos taken by him a long time ago.

-Did you take them?- he asked James.

-Yeah.- long time ago he was doing some other stuff besides killing people. He didn’t even know why he stopped. 

-They’re beautiful.- Soldier smiled gently.

-It’s just a tree in the rain.- lately Brock was kind of dimmed and dispirited

-It resembles you.- James said quietly.- When was it taken?

-A few years ago.- Brock was indifferently reviewing old documents, papers etc. 

-Did you leave this off?- another question.

-Yes.- he found a recipe for French fires.

-I don’t want to be insolent, but you shouldn’t.- Rumlow knew that James was trying to cheer him up, but today he just felt down. 

-And what should I photograph?-he asked arranging a pile of papers that he was planning to throw away. 

-There’re plenty of beautiful things outside, I guess.- Winter was still looking at him.

-So can I photograph you?- black-haired man’s eyes finally met Soldier’s.

-Why?- he asked with astonishment. 

-Because you’re beautiful. I told you already.- why the hell he was making things worse?

James was too surprised to give him an answer right away.

-If that’ll make you ha….if that’ll help you I agree. 

***

Two days passed and Brock’s old camera was filled with photos of Winter. They were taken while he was sleeping, eating, chilling. Rumlow was documenting almost every moment spent with James. 

-I don’t think that I’m worthy taking so many pictures.- Soldier said suddenly while they were casually sitting on armchairs. 

-I think that you are. You are just so…- Brock would like to say so many meaningless words- perfect, marvellous, one of a kind.- fucking beautiful. 

***

These days this man was different. He was really silent, downcasted almost depressed. He could just stare at the celling over an hour or pretending reading a book without even flipping pages. He really wanted to comfort Brock, just like he did when he was the one who needed help.

He waited till night and when all lights were turned off he plucked up some courage.

***

-Is there something wrong?- Rumlow heard a quiet whisper and a cold hand touching slightly his palm.

-No, why?- he knew that he was a little bit worn out lately, but he never expected Winter to notice this.

-You’re different these days…- he stopped for a moment.- It’s not like you’re bad or something… I… You seem kind of sad…?

-I’m not.- Rumlow’s heart moved in a dangerous way.- I’m just tired. 

-Is it because of me?

-Nah, man.- black-haired man grabbed Winter’s hand.- Seriously. It’s fucking hot this summer and I always lack energy during such a weather. Don’t worry about me. 

-Are you sure you don’t need anything?

-You.- he wanted to say, but he only have enough courage to say “No”. Fucking cunt. 

-But if I could help just tell me.- James was still worried.

-Just come closer.- said Rumlow. Winter did as he was said.- And lay next to me like that.

Brock didn’t want him to just lay like that. He wanted Soldier to hold him tight, lay his head on man’s chest and stay like that forever. Rumlow also wanted James to worry about him, make this man think about him all the time. But that was just stupid to even think about it. He had to keep the distance. It’ll hurt less in the future.

Without even realising he sighed and soon after that he heard and felt a movement next to him.

Winter turned on his left back and snuggled against his chest. 

-Can I stay like that?- he asked.

-Yes, you can.- answered Brock brokenly.

***

All of bruises finally disappeared from Winter’s body. With scars progress was lower, but some of them were less irritated. 

-It’s better.- summarized Brock.

-It doesn’t really matter, right? 

-You know, normally people want to get rid of their scars.- Rumlow felt a little bit annoyed.

-I don’t really mind, I would get new ones anyways.

-Ok, I will stop applying it.- black haired man shrugged. Fuck this shit, then.

-I actually like the way you do it.- Winter said it so quietly, that Brock barely heard him. 

-If you feel that way, okay then.- man smiled lightly and patted the rest of the oil into James’ skin.- I’ve finished.

-Thanks.- long haired man turned on his back.

Brock peeked on his abs. He saw that already, but now he paid more attention to observation. Soldier has a very nice, smooth muscles gained by years of work and exercises. They looked very natural, despite Brock’s which he gained by countless hours of strenuous working out at the gym. 

Soldier’s body looked like an ancient sculptor’s best creations. Everything was perfect, muscles, tendons, veins. Brock could gaze at this man all day. But apart from a pure admiration he felt ordinary, humane emotions. He didn’t want only to look at Winter. He wanted to make that man his, to hug him every cold night, wake up next to him, feel his body next to his, and finally he felt lust. He wanted to feel James’ hands all over his body, pulling his hair, pinning him down. 

Ridiculous.

He smiled to himself realising that he became hard again.

It’s all impossible.

-I’m going to the bathroom.- he stand up.- Go to sleep, it’s not going to take long.

***

The ringtone cruelly interfered with a nightly silence.

Brock jumped up from his bed predicting the worst. And he was right, there was a message from Hydra on a lock screen. He hesitated a little before reading it, but fucking around won’t change anything.

-Mission. Today. 9AM at HBase. 

He silently slide down to the floor. So that’s how everything is going to collapse?

**

-I’ll show you something when we got back after all of this.- said Brock right before leaving the apartment.

-You meant, ‘if we got back’, right?- sad smile appeared on James’ lips.

-We will, just be calm and…- Rumlow wanted to take his hand and run away from all this shit.

-I know.- Winter grasped slightly black-haired man hand.- I’ll try my best.

It was the second time in Brock’s entire life when he wanted to cry.

***

The mission was simple. Kill everyone. Less simple was enduring his feelings. He tried to look fine in front of his colleagues who didn’t know anything and it seemed to work out well. But there was one person who knew, and he was no one else than Rollins.

He sat quietly next to him in a van. Brock’s group was transported in a different way than Winter, who was taken to the helicopter. Rumlow was glad, that they weren’t sitting face to face or even next to each other. It would make everything much harder. 

-It’ll be all right.- said quietly Rollins, not directly to his friend, more like into the thick, hot air. 

-I wish.- answered Brock and shutted his mouth for the rest of the road.

***

He could see him only from a long distance. Winter, in all of his gear, looked like that deadly assassin that Brock met before. He was beautiful with a black mask covering half of his face, hair hovering around his head with his every movement. All of this was a pure perfection.

-All targets are dead.- said Rumlow with a professional, cold voice after shooting in the head the last victim. 

***

He wasn’t allowed to observe Soldier’s examination. He could only wait as he was told to in his car listening Behemoth. It was sedative in some way. He closed his eyes and stayed still for about an hour. He was surprisingly calm almost apathetic. Lack of possibility of doing anything was overwhelming. 

The sky slowly began more and more cloudy and finally first droplets of rain appeared on the window of his car. He slowly reached for his cigarettes and lighted one. 

He would pray if he believed in any sort of god, but he always felt that there’s no one above mankind, so he had to deal with everything by himself. 

-Fuck, what’s taking so long?- he shivered. No they can’t erase Winter’s memories all of sudden. Unless he had done something very stupid.- Holly fuck.- he leaned his head onto the steering wheel.

He almost jumped when he heard a sound of an incoming message.

-Pick up Asset at the headquarter.

Brock almost rushed to Hydra’s base with butterflies in his stomach. 

When he finally saw Winter he looked so indifferent that Brock lost his hope.

Suddenly, out of nowhere appeared Pearce with a mischievous smile on his bitch face.

-Congratulations soldier.- he said to Brock.- You handle him well.- and he walked away.

Rumlow carefully looked at James. He didn’t show any evidence of recognising him.

-Come.- said Hydra’s agent and walked to the exit.

When they were finally in the car he asked:

-Do you remember me?


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw_T9pJ728U   
>  that's the song, that they'll be listening. \m/

-Do you remember me?- asked Brock placing his eyes on his car wipers. He was too afraid to look at Winter.

Those few seconds of silence was making Rumlow nauseous. 

-Yes.- said silently James.

Brock slowly closed his eyes. He had never felt such emotions. Alleviation, joy, solace.

-I’m glad.- he said finally and opened his eyes, just to realise that Winter was looking at him all the time. Brock slowly gripped James’ hand. It was cold as always.- They didn’t do anything to you?

-Nothing special.- he squeezed Rumlow’s hand a little bit more firmly. 

-You’ll show me when we get back home.- black-haired man’s harsh fingers caressed delicate Soldier’s palm.- But we have to wait a little bit. It would be safer when we get back at night. 

-Ok. Winter smiled slightly and leaned back on the seat.

-Do you want to see the city from one of the highest place around?- they still had plenty of time till night.

-Yeah.- the smile was still on Winter’s lips.

Rumlow smiled too. He got back hope and felt like there’s a future for them.

-What future?- he smirked to himself.- What you’re going to do? Tell him that you love him? Escape with them to Canada? Buy a wooden house witch a fireplace? Hide from Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. for the rest of their life? Maybe one day. Who knows?

-Can I ask you something?- said Winter suddenly?

-Sure.- replied Rumlow still a little bit distracted.

-What’s this song?- right now there was Dimmu Borgir’s song was playing in the radio.

-Ah, that’s Dimmu Borgir. If you don’t like it I’ll turn it off.

-No, I actually like it a lot.- Winter was gazing through the window.

-I honestly wasn’t expecting that.- Brock chuckled.

-Why is that?- the atmosphere between them was so natural and light like never before. Like all of their problems never existed.  
-You seemed like you’ll enjoy music from your century not some black metal.

 

-Oh, shut up. I’m not that old fashioned.- laughed James.

Listening him talk so open, laugh without hesitation made Rumlow feel like he had finally done something good in his entire life. It felt so fucking good to listen different songs and chat casually with Winter. 

When they finally arrived it was already dark. But it didn’t seem to affect James’ astonishment when he saw the whole city made of light. 

-It’s so beautiful.- he whispered and grabbed Brock’s hand. – Thank you for that. 

-It’s nothing man.- replied Rumlow hearing his heart beating damn fast.

***

-You had to show me something.- said Winter when they were finally home.

-First, show me what they did to you.

With hesitation Soldier took off his black shirt and turned back. On his back was a huge wound.

-Why the hell did you not tell me about that earlier?!- Brock took James to bathroom and prepared hydrogen peroxide and bandages.

-It didn’t hurt much and I really wanted to see the nightview. – he smiled apologetic.

-Oh, all right.- Rumlow patted his head.- You looked almost like a scolded kid.

-So, now will you show me that something?- asked Winter with an angelic smile. 

-God, when did you turn out to be so impatient.- laughed Brock but became serious in a second.- It’s not a thing, more like something new to teach you.

-That’s even better.- James encouraged him with a smile. He looked so damn adorable sitting on a carpet in front of Rumlow who was occupying the edge of the bath.

-Don’t hate me after that.- he said and leaned forward. He stopped for a second just in front of Winter’s face. He didn’t look scared, maybe a little bit confused. Rumlow gently grabbed the other man by the back of his neck and then he even more gently touched Soldier’s lips with his own. He slowly increased the pressure in order to eventually almost sink in James’ lips. 

At first he didn’t feel any movement. Suddenly Winter raised his hand up. Brock almost jumped back thinking that long haired man wants to push him back, but he only placed his hand on Rumlow’s shoulder and closed his navy eyes. 

Hydra’s agent felt pure happiness. He was kissing with the man he loved. Yes, he wanted to do a lot of different things with him, but he was really grateful just for that.  
Rumlow felt light breath on his face and a slight movement of James’ lips. He caressed delicate his neck. Brock wanted to stay like that till they couldn’t breathe, but he finally calmed down and moved back.

He was afraid that he will see a disgust, disdain, but all he saw was blushed face and dreamy eyes. 

-That was a kiss.- Brock still felt a little bit uneasy and dizzy.

-I know, now I remember.- god, Winter looked so fucking handsome and cute at the same time. 

-I’m sorry, it was inappropriate.- Rumlow smiled unsteadily and got up to leave the bathroom.

-You shouldn’t be.- James grabbed his hand.- It was really nice. 

***  
-You really like that, right?- Rumlow finally caught his breath after a long kiss with James. Lately longhaired man seemed to be obsessed with kissing.

-Yes.-he smiled genuinely and kissed him lightly one more time.

-Maybe you want to try it with Rollins?- Brock teased Winter.

-Definitely no.- Soldier looked almost scared.

-Don’t worry, just joking.- agent patted the other man’s head.

-I hope so. I’m not gonna kiss anyone but you.

***

Rumlow was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch and looking through the window. It was raining since last Friday, but Brock wasn’t complaining. He liked rainy and snowy weather. Everything was more peaceful this way. 

Man peeked at James who was sitting at the couch under a blanket. He was reading something, but Rumlow was almost sure, that he was already half asleep. 

Winter caught his stare and answered with a smile and closed the book.

-Is this not interesting?- asked Brock and yawned quietly turning his head away.

-No, I’m just sleepy.

-Me to, man.- Brock moved to the couch and sat at the opposite side. He covered himself with the blanket and placed his feet right next to Winter’s.- I’m actually going to sleep.

-Me too.- James marked the book with a piece of paper

****

-I’m sorry, but I have to leave you here for a day.- Brock was sincerely worried, when he received orders from S.H.I.E.L.D., for a one-day mission.

-I’ll manage to end up alive till you come back.- ensured Winter. 

-But I think I might have something for you to not die from boredom.

Rumlow brought PS4 from his room and connected it with a TV in the living room  
.  
-You can play games on that, like for example Assassin’s Creed.- he showed the basics to Winter.

-Ok. I can handle this.- James smiled.

-Have a good day then.- Brock grabbed a bag with a sniper riffle and headed to the doors.

When he already had his hand on the handle he heard quick steps. It was Winter who was rushing in his direction.

He grabbed Rumlow gently by his shirt and kissed almost forcefully. 

-Good luck.- he gave him last smile and closed door behind Brock.

***

The mission wasn’t really complicated. They had to kill some Hydra’s guys. Rumlow didn’t feel anything while shooting those fuckers with his riffle. Nor anger, nor joy. Just nothing. That was just his job. 

-I think that’s everyone, Brock.- he heard Captain America’s voice in his headphones. 

-Great.- he replied thinking about Winter. Is he safe? Maybe Hydra’s guys are already in his house and they’re taking James to wipe his memory. Fuck, he should hurry. 

Suddenly he saw a shadow behind Steve. He automatically hurried to annihilate the danger. His actions were fast and precise. Rumlow’s hand grabbed a young man’s neck and fell him over to the ground. Hydra’s soldier recognized Brock.

-Hail Hydra.- he hissed before double agent sliced his throat open.

-Fuck Hydra.- he answered, not because there was Captain Fuckin’ America behind him, but he really meant that. Fuck Hydra. 

***

How the fuck did he end up like this, between Steve and Rumlow, in a shitty bar, with shitty, old music, drinking a shitty quality beer.

-Thanks man.- Captain was already drunk.- You reminded me of my best friend, from back when…- another sip of beer.- You should see him in a museum. 

-I have to go, sorry bro.- Rumlow had enough. This guy was fucking annoying without being drunk, but now it was insane.

-Stay, a bit longer.- begged Rogers. 

-Sorry, I really have to do something.- paltered double agent.- Take care of him.- he asked Rollins and rushed out.

***

There was no particular reason for him to actually go to the Smithsonian. But he felt something almost dragging him to this place. He bought a ticket and wandered to the hell with Captain America based exhibition. And there he saw him.

 

1917- 1944

Bucky Barnes

his childhood friend, Steve Rogers

 

Rumlow felt dizzy and sat down on a bench.

No it couldn’t be, no fucking way. He hid his face behind his palms. 

But there was also a record of those two smiling. And there was no way in hell, that this short, haired man next to Steve wasn’t Winter. 

 

-were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield.

 

-Holly fuck.- Rumlow got out on trembling legs. When no one was around he just sat down on a cold pavement.

 

He had to rethink everything. 

That definitely wasn’t something that he could even imagine. Winter being James Barnes? Captain America’s best pal? So that was the reason of his strange reaction on sound of name “James”.

***

When he was already at the doors, he felt hesitation. He didn’t know if he was ready to see James Barnes instead of James Snow, but his fingers quietly knocked.

-It’s me Winter.- he announced with a trembling voice.

He heard footsteps and he lost the rest of his composure. Oh, fuck. Would he even be able to feel the same things towards this man after all of this?

But when he saw his smiling face, half hidden behind long hair, he knew, that no matter who this guy was, he will always love him.

-I missed you.- Rumlow touched Winter with tenderness.

His answer was a hot, long-waited kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that c:  
> I think, that it's slowly coming to an end, but don't worry (or maybe, actually start to), beacuse that'll be probably just part one, but everything in right time, now, just enjoy reading this shit xdxd


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this little piece of shit <3  
> Bevare of smut

Does he even know how to say ‘I love you’? 

No. Not even once, in his lifetime, did he say anything like this to anybody.

He wasn’t even taught to say such words.

He had never heard this simple phrase.

He didn’t know that he was even able to love anyone.

And here he was.

An assassin with a metal arm. With silky, long, brown hair thrown in randomly directions on his pillow. Sleeping next to him. 

He slowly reached for his hand and grabbed it.

-I… I lo.. Fuck.- he whispered. 

***

Brock always liked the quiet, almost lazy sound of rain hitting pipes, windowsills, but now every, even the smallest sound made his head almost blow.

He had the worst hangover in his entire life. And the thoughts, about what he acknowledged yesterday, almost drove him crazy.

-I made you a tea.- Rumlow heard a quiet voice, somewhere above him. He opened slowly one eye and saw James’ almost angelic face.

-Thanks.- he whispered and felt literally a desert in his mouth, but he didn’t have strength to grab a cup and take a sip. 

-I’ll bring you a straw. Maybe it would be easier for you.-Winter was aware of black-haired man struggles. Few minutes later Brock was finally able to drink something and after that he already felt a little bit better.

-Did I make any troubles yesterday?- although he didn’t remember doing anything troublesome he wanted to be sure.

-No. You just felt asleep right after you reached bed.- Winter seemed to be a little bit upset. 

-Man, I’m so sorry about yesterday.- he still felt dizzy and all he wanted to do was to fall asleep for a bit longer.- Rollins and his friend almost forced me to come with them for a drink.

-I’m not mad.- James avoided their eyes meeting.- I was just worried. 

-Everything is ok and I’m so sorry. – Rumlow slowly moved and embraced James who was sitting backwards to him.- Tomorrow I’ll buy a phone and we will be able to contact anytime. And I’m really sorry. 

-I said I’m not angry.- Brock felt a metal arm slowly caressing his back.- But you should take a shower, because you fucking smell.

***

After a long, hot shower Rumlow felt like a new-born human. Free, light and simply good. 

-Should I tell him?- those thoughts were with him all the time.- Should I tell him that he is James Barnes, IWW veteran and best friend of Cap? 

Rumlow leaned his head against a cold wall.

-Not today.- he decided.- I should let him know gradually to not cause a shock. 

He finally grabbed a towel and wrapped his waist. Of course he had to forgot spare clothes.

When he got out from bathroom he smelled an amazing fragrance of a freshly made breakfast.

He rushed to the kitchen to see James making something to eat in the kitchen.

-It looks awesome.- Brock commented on fried egg with toasts and asparagus.

-Sorry I didn’t ask, but I thought that you’ll need some nutritious breakfast. 

-Don’t be sorry.- Rumlow approached Winter and hugged him lightly from behind.- I don’t know if you feel the same, but I reckon you as a part of this home, you know what I mean.

-Yeah…I know. And thank you.- his hand awkwardly stroked Brock’s.

-Don’t get too emotional.- Rumlow laughed.- I don’t know what to do when people are crying. 

-I’m trying.- long-haired man turned in his direction.- But it’s hard. I really appreciate all of this.

Brock slowly touched this beautiful face with his fingers. He really, fucking liked this guy and was curious if he was able to guess that from all of his words, movements. Then he lightly kissed those plumpy lips. 

-Let’s just eat.- he said.- I can’t wait to taste your cooking.

-I hope you would like it.- Winter smiled and served him the most healthy and delicious breakfast that Brock has ever eaten in his entire life. 

-Oh god, man.- he said after the last bite.- That was fucking impressive. I’ve never eaten something that good.

-Thanks.- Winter seemed to be really moved.

-No.- Rumlow bent over the table and kissed James on the cheek.- It’s me who should say ‘Thank you’.

***

-I forgot to ask, but did you like the game I shoved you?- Rumlow suddenly recalled this AC stuff when he saw PS4 pad left on a table.

-It was interesting, I liked it very much.- responded Winter without stopping checking his new phone.

-On which mission you stopped?

-I completed them all.- James was a little bit puzzled.

-Holly fuck.- Brock’s jaw almost dropped to the floor.- Like in one day?

-Yeah…

-You’re amazing man. I’ll order the rest of them tomorrow. Maybe you should start a gaming YT channel. 

***

-Can I take a picture of you?- asked James while they were sitting peacefully and listening to Mayhem. 

-Yeah, but why?- Rumlow responded with a question and closed the book he was reading.

-You’re beautiful. And also you always have funny expression on your face a few second after you wake up.

-Ok, do whatever you feel up to.

-Great.- a smile appeared on Winter’s lips.

It didn’t take him long to fill a camera roll with shitload of pictures with Rumlow. They weren’t artistic or beautiful, some of them were a little bit shaken, blurred or not focused enough, but they were the essence of their current life

***

He was taking pictures of Brock almost always. When he was eating, reading, playing games, chilling, but the ones, which he liked the most, were the photos of sleeping Rumlow. He liked to capture his relaxed face and then look at it when black haired man had to leave the house. 

Also he started to feel something more towards this man, he seemed to be his family, although James didn’t really know how being in a family feels like. But that was the way he can describe his feelings towards Rumlow.

***

Brock, as a fan of metal, had, obviously, a metal ringtone. At this time “O Father, O Satan, O Sun!’ He really enjoyed listening that song a little bit before answering the call. But there was one contact that had a basic ringtone and that was Hydra’s headquarters. 

This time his phone vibrated and ringed in the middle of the bloody night. And it wasn’t fuckin Behemoth’s song.

-We have to go.- he slowly woke Winter up.

***

This time it was a one person mission. He had to wait patiently in one of many corridors on a uncomfortable plastic chair. No one said even a word about what’s happening. He only could wait.

***

Something was not right. He felt it. They painted his skin around eyes black for no particular reason. But he didn’t oppose. He had to remain calm for sake coming back to Rumlow.

He was told to kill one man, with an eyepatch, but to let live the one with a shield. He shoot the first one without problems, that was easier than he thought it would be, but that one, with the shield, saw him and decided to chase him. Such a fool. 

How surprised he was when that man finally almost caught him and threw his shield at him. James caught it without problems. And they eyes met for a second, and he felt pain Burning pain spreading through his entire body. Something was not right. He really wanted to take his gun and shoot at him, but he was told not to kill him. 

He only threw the shield at that man. He was literally taken-back with the strength accumulated in his throw. 

Winter took advantage of this man’s astonishment and rapidly jumped of the roof. Then he disappeared from that man’s sight.

***

Rumlow finally saw James. He looked ridiculously good in that makeup. Almost like a fan of black metal after a sweaty day. But his eyes were the thing that startled Brock. They were restless and not able to focus on one thing. 

As always he was escorted by Hydra’s bodyguards but Rumlow used even those few seconds that Winter gave them while walking bit faster than the guards.

-Something’s not right.- he hissed without moving his lips.

-I know.- responded Brock, a little bit happy with the fact that guards didn’t interfered.- But everything’s gonna be all right. I promise.

Another miserable glance and they took Winter to the room with that bloody chair. He thought, that he will be forced to wait patiently in front of that door, but no.

-You’re welcome too, soldier.- one of the Hydra’s labourer informed him.

Brock with hesitation come inside, almost expecting guns pointed at his head. But nothing like that happened. Hydra’s staff was examining Winter patiently. He also noticed that Pierce was nowhere to be found. And that was a good sign.

-His pulse is quite high.- said one man to a tall, blond woman.

-He’s hyperventilating.- she added.

-Do we have to wipe him?- they weren’t sure what to do without Pierce.

James, after hearing those words, gave Rumlow a quick terrified stare. He was almost begging him for help. 

-Not this time.- though Brock and came closer to those two.- It won’t be necessary.- he said with imperative voice .- The Asset will calm down in no time.

-Are you sure.- this blond woman certainly didn’t want to wipe Winter.

-Yes. It would be a huge waste to lost the progress I made with him through this time.- he wasn’t sure if his voice wasn’t shaking. All he wanted was to take James away from this damned place. 

-Yeah, you’re right.- the woman was relieved.- Sign the verification, please.- she was definitely too nice to be one of Hydra’s bastards.

-You can go.- informed him the same man who invited him in.

-Come.- he said to James pretending to be a bossy motherfucker. 

***

Rumlow didn’t felt such an adrenaline in a long period of time. When he was driving home he broke all of traffic regulations for sure. He didn’t fucking care.

When they climbed up the stairs, without even an single word spoken, he opened cautiously the doors with a gun in one hand. No one was here.

Rumlow closed the doors locked the doors with three, different keys and a hasp. 

-Did they add any other cameras or wiretappings?- he whispered to Winter. 

-No.- he was still scared and shaken  
.  
-Calm down, everything is all right.- he grabbed his hand and made him come to the bathroom.- And take off your clothes. 

Brock did same thing that he ordered Winter and turned on the shower. 

-come here.- he reached out to James who took his hand without hesitation.

Rumlow knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold back when he almost furiously kissed Soldier. But he didn’t know that Winter would take initiative and almost crushed him against a cold wall. 

-You’re quite lively today.- Brock panted when James finally released him from a long kiss. 

-Sorry.- Winter hugged black-haired man tightly.- I was so afraid that I’ll lost you. Thank you that you helped me.

-What else did you expected me to do?- god. He looked soo damn hot with this raccoon- like makeup.

-I don’t know, but thanks.

-Forget it man.- Brock’s hands were wandering through James’ body. He was touching again all of his scars, muscles and it made him so fucking horny, that he finally placed his hands on Winter’s dick.

-I’ll stop if you want.- he said quietly right into his ear.

-I don’t want to.- said James. His long, wet hair was falling on Brock’s bare shoulders.

Rumlow wasn’t even sure if Winter would even be able to get hard, but he was wrong. It didn’t take him a long time of gentle strokes to get James’ up. And he discovered another thing about this assassin. He was at least huge. 

-Fuck, man.- he whispered.- You’re soo big.

-You say so?- Winter moaned gently and Rumlow almost shivered from lust running through his blood. 

With his left hand Brock caressed the curve of James’ hip and then he grabbed his own dick and started stroking it against Asset’s cock. It was hard to fit both of their penises in his palm, but that didn’t stop Winter from quietly groaning and moaning from pleasure. 

All those sounds made Brock more and more excited. He wanted to take it even further, to feel James inside of him. His left hand moved down, to his ass, to prepare himself, even a little bit, if Winter also had such enthusiastic plans.

The pleasure felt from both sides made Brock cum. It didn’t take Winter long to follow Rumlow and come onto his chest.

-Fuck…- he panted.- I’m sorry…

-No problem.- shorter man kissed him slowly.- Do you want to take that further?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, bottomRumlow, everyone, bottomRumlow is my aesthetic  
> Do You guys want Winter to take it even further? Or do You want them to peacefully go to sleep?   
> Also any metalheads here? \m/


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally..  
> //Warning!!! Cringy smut!!//
> 
> song for this chapter  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGeCcoJZaL8

-Yes.- Brock shivered with extasion. 

-I’ll prepare myself.- he whispered.

-Can I help you somehow?- Winter caressed gently his wet face.

-No. I’ll take care of that myself, but in the bedroom in one of the drawers will be lube and condoms, find them if you can.

-All right.- James left the shower and wrapped himself with a towel.

Rumlow waited a few seconds and did the same. He quickly cleaned himself and went back. Because of lack of lube he had to use shitty liquid soap.

-You managed to do it even without shit like that.- he recalled a few, not pleasant, memories.

That was right, when he was younger taking a dick without a really good preparation wasn’t something extraordinary, but now, when he was definitely older, even preparing himself became more troublesome.

Brock slowly entered himself with one finger and hissed with pain. He worked himself for a little bit and then added another one.

-Holy fuck.- he whispered. It was so long from the last time he slept with anyone.

Suddenly he heard someone entering the shower. He turned around and saw James with condoms and lube in his hand.

-Welcome back.- said Brock with tired voice.

-Everything’s all right?- asked Winter.

-Yes…- he answered.- Not really. 

James embraced him slowly.

-Don’t push yourself.

-I’m not pushing myself. I want this. It’s just hard…

Suddenly Rumlow found himself a few cm below the ground.

-What the fuck are you doing?- he tried to escape from Winter’s strong arms holding him tight.

-Taking you to the bedroom.

-I can fucking walk by myself.- he was really pissed. Being pampered was the one thing that he hated the most.

-I know.- Soldier gently laid him on the bed and reached for lube.

-Don’t even think about that!

-Why?- James was genuinely surprised and slowly caressed the inner part of his thigh.

-It’s my problem, right?- Rumlow didn’t know how to behave in such a situation. What to do when someone was so gentle to him.- I should take care of it.

-What the fuck are you talking about?- Winter leaned over him and kissed his lips stopping him from talking. His finger was moving down Brock’s body. Even such a movement made him shiver.

-Don’t be so gentle.- he gasped the air when a first finger entered him.

-Why?- asked Winter kissing his abdomen. 

-I’m not used to it.- when James added a second finger Brock almost moaned. His whole body bended on the sheets.

-I’ll make it something normal for you.- he said and leaned to kiss him once again. For a moment he stopped as he wanted to say something, but et the end he only smiled a little bit sad and pushed third finger inside of him. 

-Jesus fuck!- Brock sweared out loud. At this moment he was stretched to his limits and unable to focus on anything besides that overwhelming pleasure and pain. He closed his eyes and tried to relax himself more. 

The sound of Soldier’s finger thrusting in and out of his ass, the feeling of being full of them made Rumlow painfully hard. Stopping the moans from escaping his throat became more difficult than before.

After a few minutes he finally adjusted to the size of James three fingers, so when he suddenly pulled them out Brock gasped and opened widely his eyes. He was feeling so fucking empty, that it was almost irritating.

-Sorry.- in Soldier’s navy blue eyes was something that Rumlow has never seen before, and he couldn’t actually name.- I was wondering how would it feel.

In one moment Rumlow was totally empty, just to feel thrilling sensation of two, cold metal fingers inserting his ass.

-Are you crazy?- Hydra’s agent was panting and convulsively clutching the white sheets. He has never felt this way.

-No, why?- the longed haired man was so charming that Rumlow gripped his hand and pulled Soldier close to his tanned body.

-Because I’m going to cum, so better stop.- Brock kissed the other man roughly.

The feeling of his plumpy lips and those hard fingers inside him made Rumlow gone crazy. He embraced James tightly and bit gently on his neck. It didn’t took much more thrusts to make him cum and lay down hyperventilating under the weight of James’ body.

-Did you liked it?- asked Winter.

-Hell fucking yeah.- Rumlow slowly caressed his long hair.- But now it’s time for you to lay down.

Black-haired man was now on top, sitting on James’ muscular tights. Rumlow’s hand grabbed Winter’s rock-hard cock and stroked it a little bit. 

He could see that James was impatient, same as he was years ago, but now he was the mature, self-restrained. He knew how to make other man excited, but he didn’t need that right now.

It might seem to be a little sadistic, but seeing Winter so impatient with his flushed cheeks made Brock even more horny.

He slowly lifted himself up and moved the tip of James’ penis to his entrance. With a supressed moan he moved down a little bit. It was even harder than he imagined, but now there was no going back. Both of them were hard and at least one of them was really desperate.

-O shit.- hissed Rumlow . He could swear that his ass will be torn after all of this. 

He was halfway there when he felt pressure from the bottom. It was Winter slowly and gently moving up.

-Sorry for so much trouble.- he whispered. 

-What are you even talked about?- said James and entered him completely.

Rumlow gasped and saw all the fucking discovered constellations right before his eyes. He was trying to breath slow and deep to not to faint. How the hell he became so weak through those few years?

-Are you okay?- cold hand touched his face.

-Yes…- Brock’s vision was slowly coming back.- Just let me get used to it a little bit.- he wiggled his ass then he touched his stomach. He was almost sure he could feel his penis a little bit, even though he didn’t know if that was possible.

James moved his hands to Hydra’s agent waist and made him lay on the bed.

Well maybe it wasn’t his day to be on top.

-Am I hurting you?- he asked and moved slowly.

-No, just do it slow.- Winter’s hair was falling onto Rumlow’s face tickling him gently. He couldn’t restrain himself from touching them.

Slowly pain was less and less present, it was substituting by more frequent and stronger waves of pleasure.

Never in his life had he had such an amazing sex. Every Winter’s move gave him enormous amount of pleasure making him moan and grip the sheets tightly. 

He never wanted to scream those three damn words while being pounded by someone. Never, till today.

It was not only about simple pleasure, there were emotions between them. But Rumlow was too cowardly to say any of them out loud. He wanted to shout, scream, kiss him with all of his might, but he couldn’t. Or maybe he didn’t want to.

He cum a few seconds after James. The feeling of his massive thing pulling out of him made black haired man at one refreshed and frightfully alone.

They were both breathing fast. 

Rumlow tried to move even a little bit, but he fell down powerless.

-I was thinking about having a cold shower, but maybe tomorrow will be a better idea.- he whispered and glanced at Winter.

He was lying next to him with his hair attached to sweaty neck. His navy eyes was looking at him all the time.

-I could take you there.- he lifted himself up surprisingly energetic.

-No need for that.- Brock smiled and touched his metal hand.- Just lay next to me for a bit. I don’t need anything else.

-Thank you.- he heard a soft voice and warmth of his body touching him.

***

Why he has thanking him? For acceptance, for those emotions. Pleasure. Just being like that. Just being next to him.

It was also the first time in the life that he could remember, when he felt that he actually can do something for him, even if that was something so trivial as a breakfast. 

He was looking at the body of sleeping Rumlow and he felt his heart beat a lot faster. He knew this feeling, but he wasn’t able to name it.

He slowly laid down and covered them with a quilt. 

***

Everything was fucking hurting him. Especially his fucking ass. He wasn’t even able to sit so after a hot shower in Winter’s arms he spent most of the day in bed. 

But it was kind of nice to have someone to make him a cup of tea, a toast and even an awesome dinner.

-You’re fucking incredible.- said Rumlow while eating crispy, perfectly golden baked potatoes. They were currently watching ‘Dr.No’ as Brock promised James to show him every Bond movie from the very beginning.

-It’s just a potato.- long-haired man was clearly enjoying spending time like that.

-That’s the point.- he thought about this man’s past and lost interest in eating and watching the movie in a second.

-I’ll tell him today.- he promised himself.- I cannot wait.

***

-James.- it was almost midnight. None of them was sleeping, so it was a perfect time for finally revealing the truth. – I have something to tell you.

-What is that?- in his voice could be heard agitation.

-I know who you was before.- Rumlow finally said that and already felt a bit better.

-Since when?- his voice was trembling.

-Three, four days I think. I was drunk that day, because I got to know who you were.

Silence appeared.

-Do you want me to tell you who you were?- Brock really, really wanted to keep everything to himself, but he knew that just wouldn’t be fair.

-No.- Winter sighed.- I think I want to remember it by myself, but thank you.- his hand grabbed Rumlow’s palm.- But thank you. Thank you very much.

Long-haired man turned in Brock’s direction and snuggled up.

-I want to know only one thing.- he whispered.

-Just ask anything.- Rumlow’s fingers were gently caressing brown hair.

-Was I a good man?- his voice was shaken.

-Yes, you were.- Brock kissed him gently.- You were a hero James.

***

For a few days James was kind of absent. He was still smiling, talking normally, but something was definitely off. 

-Hey, old man. What’s wrong?- asked Rumlow one evening while opening a bottle of beer.

-With what?- he raised his navy eyes with a lost puppy-like expression.

-With you- obviously. Agent scratched his stomach and sat on a couch right in front of James.

-Nothing.- his eyes were wandering somewhere around the opposite corner of the room.

-Well, if you don’t want to talk about I won’t push you obviously. I just want you to know that I can see that you’re not here most of the time.

His eyes finally landed on his face They were co fucking sad, that Rumlow felt his heart skipping a beat.

-I was thinking about the past.- James said finally.- If I even want to remember. Maybe it would be better to just move on and live in the present.

Brock was listening to Winter’s words and he kind of understand him. Of course, he couldn’t say that he can relate, but still he got the meaning.

-Isn’t it like you’ll remember it anyways?- he asked.- The memories are coming back to you, right?

James nodded.

-So don’t think about that.- he sipped a beer.- Your memory is going to come back anyway, so there’s no need to push yourself to get your memories back quicker, but also you’re not going to stop them. So just take it easy. 

Winter sighed with a relief and smiled.

-Thank you.- he said quietly.- I still cannot believe in my luck.

Rumlow gave him a questioning stare.

-That you’re my handler.

-I’m not.- Brock smirked.- I’m more like your partner in crime.

***

A few weeks ago Brock would laugh at someone telling him that he would be able to help someone, but now could see that he was actually doing that. Seeing a smile full of relief on James’ face was making him unbelievably happy. Being a witness of his change from scared and aggressive Asset to calm, shrewd and definitely more confident man gave Rumlow’s life some kind of a meaning. 

First time in his life he actually built something instead of destroying everything.

He was sitting in the kitchen, smiling gently to himself when suddenly he felt hair stroking his face.

-Hey, kiss me on the cheek.- he heard James’ voice.- I’m gonna take a picture.

-Is that good?- Brock’s lips touched gently Winter’s cheek.

-Yes. Perfect.- he smiled.

-You still didn’t take it, right?- Rumlow brushed James’ skin with his nose. He was so delicate.

-No, that’s actually a video.- he laughed and suddenly kissed Brock on the lips.

-You motherfucker…- black-haired man hugged Winter closely gently and also responded with a kiss, but more passionate, almost hungry for more.

He heard the sound of a camera being put down.

-You’re not recording anymore, right?- he asked feeling a bulge with his knee.

-Nah…

-So, do you want to repeat the last time?

-Yeah…

***

He remembered. This feeling. It was love.

He loved the way that his sleeves were clasping tightly around his muscular arm. He loved the way he was pulling his black hair back. He loved the way he looked in black cargo pants. He loved the way he was holding gun with one hand. He loved the way he was putting on a tight, dark shirt every morning. He loved the curves of his tights. He loved the smell of his skin. He loved his eyes when they were listening to his favourite black metal bands. He loved his not-so-common smile. He loved every single thing about Brock.   
He felt his knee brushing against his hard penis, aroused because of their previous contact.

-So, do you want to repeat the last time?- asked Rumlow with that smirk of his.

Like hell, he wanted. There was no thing that he wanted more right now. He just wanted to see his face without his usual calmness. He wanted to see Brock losing all of his composure and control over himself.

Winter’s hand touched gently Rumlow’s body. 

-I love you.- he was dying to say that, but he was scared so he just kissed him on the lips and thrusted harder.

***

They were lying down in the darkness listening to Shining.

‘You would never sleep at night if you knew what I've been through’

Brock love how Niklas voice was full of almost terrifying sadness in this song. He also was wondering if he could actually sleep at night if he had known what James went through in the past. Probably not.

He moved carefully. Everything hurt him. he looked at Winter who was laying down with opened eyes.

Suddenly Rumlow realised something. He realised that one day James will not be next to him. We will be locked down, wiped and forced to kill Hydra’s enemies. 

He closed his eyes feeling annoying tweaking under his eyelids. He didn’t want to live with awareness that this man will only be a killing machine.

-James…- he said quietly- Do you want to run away?

He didn’t answered immediately. He looked at him with those navy, sad eyes with hope somewhere deep inside of them.

-I.. don’t know…- he responded and hid his face behind his hands.- if I even can…

Rumlow touched gently his metal palm and moved it away from Winter’s face. He saw a little droplet running down long-haired man cheek.

-You can.- he said.- I just want to know if you want

He felt like crying and it was something new for him. He didn’t cry for so long he didn’t really remember how to do it.

-I want…I want.- James voice broke down as more tears were falling from his eyes.

-Don’t cry.- said Rumlow and kissed his wet cheek.- I need a month and we’ll be free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking made it, finally.  
> Sorry for such a break, i kind of lost my inspiration and started my student's life. I actually study in English, so let me know if I somehow improved.  
> As You can see, there will be only one more chapter, but don't worry (or actually do) it's the end only of the first part of this story. It'll be probably three.  
> Luv ya'll bye


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy sh*t, the last chapter is finally here.  
> Sorry if it's short, shitty etc I had quite a ling break from writting anything, but anyways, enjoy. More stuff at the end  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu0MV24OsHs

-Blair, I need you to help me.- Rumlow took off his sunglasses and a hood which was hiding his face from potential Hydra’s spies. 

-Yeah kid, I can tell by the fact that you’re here.- said tall, but really thin man whose silver hair was contrasting with dark skin.

-Blair, I know that I come here only when I need something….- Brock was ashamed by how true Blair’s statement was.

-Just don’t say you’re sorry, there’s no need.- older man gave him a slight smile.- That’s how things are and there’s no point of thinking about them. So how deep in shit are you this time?

-Too deep.- sighed Rumlow.- I need a house somewhere in Canada, where no one can found me, but with good signal obviously, a good car, but not really flashy, two new identities and all that stuff needed for vanishing completely.

Blair squinted his eyes.

-Two? Who is she?- he asked.

-It’s him.- Rumlow was patiently waiting for older man’s reaction knowing that he might as well refuse helping him if he felt so.

-Don’t tell me that you’re helping some Hydra’s pawn, because that wold be more than fucking stupid.

-Have you heard about Winter Soldier?- Brock leaned on the counter and looked Blair right into his eyes.

-No fucking shit- Blair’s jaw almost dropped.

***

Rumlow saw that there’s something strange about James when he come back home after his last mission. 

-What’s the matter?- he asked Soldier when they were laying in the bed touching lightly.

-I don’t know.- his blue eyes were sad, just simply sad.- I saw a man and in this moment I felt like something is coming back, but I can’t memorise anything.   
Rumlow could almost smell problems that were slowly approaching them. 

-Maybe he was similar to someone you knew back them.- Brock’s hand caressed slowly Winter’s neck and moved his long hair out of the way.

-Yeah, that makes sense.- James closed his eyes and moved closer. Rumlow felt his cold nose touching his cheek.

-You don’t have to worry about that right now.- said Brock.- Just hang on about a month and we will be out of here by then.

-What?!- James jumped up on the bed and looked at the other man with a shock.

-Oh, I thought that you wanted to run away.- Rumlow was confused, really confused. He hoped that all the work that Blair was doing right now wasn’t for nothing.

-Yeah, I want to, but I thought you weren’t serious about that.

It wasn’t time to think about that, but James looked so damn perfect only in slightly too big, black t-shirt, Calvin Klein boxers and his long hair still a little bit wet after shower.

-And why you thought so?- asked Rumlow looking at this perfect figure.

-Because….with me? Why? Just why? I’ll only be a problem…

-It seems like…- how much Rumlow wanted say that three simple words, but he thought that it’s still too early.- You’re special. And if it’s not with you, I’m not going anywhere.

-I…I don’t know what to say.- two tears ran down his cheeks.

-So don’t say anything- Rumlow reached to him and embraced him gently.- We just need to withstand a month, a damn fucking month.

***

If only Rumlow knew what’s going to happen through this month, he would escape anywhere far enough from those fucker, even on a fucking horse. But he didn’t know and was only thinking about the day when they’ll be both in a car riding in a direction of their new life.

Maybe if he was thinking about something else he would see how silent James was becoming. But his eyes were focused on the future, not on the present. 

Maybe…

There were too many of those.

***

-Sir, he’s unstable.- said one of those motherfuckers and in this moment Rumlow’s heart jumped up his throat.

The sight of those man pointing their guns at Winter made him want to rip everyone’s throat apart, but he was just following Pierce silently. Like a good fucking dog

The silence after usual ‘Mission report’ was foretelling something bad, extremely bad.

And then that slap, loud, strong slap.

Rumlow wanted to both just look away and cut Piere’s hand off. But he was just standing still, like he was taught to.

-The man on the bridge…. Who was he?- he asked looking with frowned brows into the emptiness.

-No one!! Fucking no one.- he wanted to scream, to stop James from being slapped again, from erasing his memory, but he remained silent.

-I knew him.- he looked his way for a second, the he started to stare into emptiness again.

Brock knew that if he’s not going to fight everything will be over, but his feet, hands just couldn’t move. 

The pain on Winter’s face was making older man breathless.

And then Pierce’s stupid, long talk.

Brock was staring at James, trying to make him at least to do the same for a second. He wanted calm him down a little, remind him what they were both fighting for by following orders for now, but Winter was too confused. Lost.

Suddenly his determination appeared in his eyes. 

-But I knew him.- Rumlow’s heart was breaking apart.

-Wipe him and start over.- that was the moment when Brock’s life was destroyed for the first time.

That was the last time when he could do something, but he just followed Pierce and only looked back one last time. To see those defeated, hopeless eyes. 

***

-You’re no longer his handler.- Pierce informed him when they were alone.

-But why?- Rumlow was broken into pieces, but he tried his best not to show this in any way.- We made so much progress…

-He’s starting from the beginning, there’s no need for you to do the same, but since I know that you got used to him I can give you a few minutes with him.

Rumlow knew that Pierce also knew and that it wasn’t a sign of humanity in this piece of shit, but pure viciousness. 

***

He was closed in a small room without any windows, just a light bulb hanging on a simple cord from a ceiling. And on a one, single wooden chair was sitting Winter Soldier.

He looked like a completely empty human. A pain form wiping his memory was still visible on his face. He hasn’t even give Rumlow a look when he entered that room.

The sight of James made Brock truly conscious what has happened. 

-Do you remember me?- he asked with a raspy voice.- James..

He didn’t receive any respond, but that empty look on Winter’s face was an answer on it’s own.

-Holy shit.- Brock approached James and slowly touched his hair. He knew that there’s no cameras here so he could say goodbye to him for the last time.

Winter shivered and looked at Rumlow with that lost look of a wild animal on his face.

-I know that you don’t remember me.- said Brock very softly.- Maybe one day you’ll memorise my face and all that time we spend together.

Rumlow reached to his neck and took of his dog tag.

-Here, take this and don’t let anyone take it from you.- Rumlow felt tweaking in his eyes.- Hide it and one day maybe it’ll remind you of me.

Winter slowly took his tag and looked at it, then hid it in his military vest.

-And one more thing.- Brock touched James’ chin and made him look directly at him.- I should have said that sooner, but I was a fucking coward.- he slowly kissed those lips, which were unable to say his name.- I love you and I always will. Farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, I made it. It's finally over. At least the first part, ofc if You all want to read more of my yuck xd  
> Basically I thought of making three parts of it, so that means there would be already only 2   
> Second one will be about Rumlow's past and healing after the Civil War (because, surprise, this is Marvel and no one is dying, not on my watch xd), btw I haven't seen the latest movie, because I wanted to finish it the same state of mind that I started it :)  
> And the third part will be a huge reunion etc etc, you know what I mean  
> Of course it can end just there as it is, but If You want otherwise I'm always open for sugestions, especially because I've got 3-months long holidays, so yeah   
> Just comment what You think and huge thank You for bearing with me through this 12 chapters :*

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations you reached the end but don't be dissapointed there will be more.  
> So, as you can see, Brock is a good guy. That's all. Don't make him a fucking bastard plz.
> 
> What inspired me? That scene when Winter was getting his memory erased and Brock was watching this. There was a whole story to tell. And that's what I did.


End file.
